“Old fashioned”, that’s what people called me and my boyfriend, Brian. Just because we were being celibate till marriage. Was the idea really so outdated? Ok, so we’ve both been married before and each of us had children. Brian has a daughter and I have well, I have five kids. So why bother being celibate? It was important to us to be a “gift” to each other on our wedding night. Waiting shows respect and commitment in an era where people are living together before marriage. The “try before you buy” attitude is not biblical. Do I have little respect for those who choose that route? No. Life is about choices, we all do what we think is right for us. This was our choice. To follow God’s rules as outlined in the Bible. After all, we both have teenage daughters for whom we were trying to set an example for. Sure at times it was difficult, but worth the effort. With the help of five little chaperones, our dating life has been interesting to say the least.

We met in the most modern way, online. At first glance we seem like polar opposites. Brian was in Philly and I’m in Georgia. I’m black and he’s white. So what’s the biggest thing we have in common? Our faith. We looked like we had nothing in common, different cultures, backgrounds. We emailed each other and spoke on the phone daily. We had such a great connection. We are both nerds who love to read and do research. We shared many things in common and could talk for hours. He wanted a big family, I wanted a man who could cook. (Who could have dreamed he used to be an executive chef?) He also made it clear that he did not have casual sex and was saving himself for the woman he would marry. That was something I’ve never heard a man say and it made me love him all the more. So what if neither of us were virgins? We were to each other. He had plans to build a large home, but was about to give up ever having the family to fill it. He had been divorced for ten years with little dating experience and being a single 48 year old dad with a teenage daughter, his dream of a large family seemed lost. I was a 37 year old widow and had been for five years with more dating experience, (all heartbreaking), but no one that wanted to commit because I had “too many kids“. Could he be the one? We both were excited to know. We decided to meet in person to see if the chemistry was as strong in person as it was over the phone and computer.

The day he flew to Atlanta and I saw him for the first time, I knew instantly this was the man for me. Brian told me he felt the same about me. He was the last to get off the plane and I was so nervous from wondering if he’d changed his mind, that I didn’t see him at first. Just about everyone who was on the plane was already picking up their luggage. It’d been almost thirty minutes since the plane landed. My mind raced with probable scenarios like he missed the plane and had to catch another one, or got lost during a layover, etc. Oh what the mind can come with! I called his cell, no answer, I even called his sister’s home in Philly and there was no answer there either.

Then my eldest daughter saw him, she recognized him from his picture. I sighed a sigh of relief and walked toward him. We hugged and it was so familiar, the way he held me it was as if we were long lost friends. His cologne even smelled familiar. Time stood still as a tear rolled down his cheek and onto mine. He was so handsome, those blue eyes, that smile! His glasses! Ok, so I have a thing for guys who wear glasses, (think Richard Gere!) He looked much better than his pictures. My mother, my eldest daughter and young son were with me and were quick to remind us that we still had get his bags! He planned to stay for three weeks. We spent every minute together and almost always we were surrounded by the kids and my parents.

Everyone seemed to get along great. However, my teenage daughter was determined to make sure I kept my vow of chastity, it was as if it were her mission in life! Our first “official” date, (where we were actually alone), was short, only lasting for two hours in which we watched a movie called “This Christmas”. It was during the Christmas holiday season and it’s a magical time anyway, but Brian’s presence made everything somehow better. It was all so surreal. He cooked for us everyday, we went shopping and spent time as a family decorating the Christmas tree and painting a manger scene. Everyone seemed to smile and stare at us every where we went. (Well it could have been because we are an interracial couple with two obviously biracial kids and two obvious African American kids.) Whatever the reason, we didn’t care and we were both on cloud nine. I felt like a 16 year old girl again. My eldest daughter teased me about how much I giggled and smiled. Of course, we had our obstacles, my mother who is really close to me, became jealous of how much time I was spending with Brian.

He was staying in her guest house and would return each night. She would call each day to make sure he would be returning in case he got “too comfortable” at my place. As you can imagine, that got old real quick! But in spite of that, we continued to find happiness in the most mundane of things. So much so that when the three weeks were up, Brian didn’t go back to Philadelphia, but instead made plans to relocate to Georgia. We knew things were getting serious and could not bear the thought of being without each other. Our second “official” date was longer and staring into his beautiful steel blue eyes, I forgot that anyone else was around. Though we sat in the mall food court during one of the most busiest shopping days of the year, it was as if we were the only two people there. It was Christmas eve and we did some last minute shopping and strolling around the mall. We looked at a jewelry store and I saw the most beautiful heart shaped diamond engagement ring I’d ever seen. It was 3.3 carats. Brian noticed me looking at it and said it was beautiful, just like me. I smiled at him and he leaned in to kiss me. When we got back to my place, the kids were getting ready for bed. We prayed with them and kissed them good night. After that, we sat in the den near the fireplace and Brian held me close. I closed my eyes and took in all the things we had done up to this point. I got lost in the scent of his cologne, the softness of his sweater, his warm embrace.

Everything seemed so perfect. We are so right for each other and now he was moving here and I couldn’t have been happier! We shared a kiss and then he did the strangest thing, he slid off the couch and got on one knee! My heart raced as he reached into his pocket and pulled our a ring box and held it out to me. “I know this is soon and its not exactly the best way, but I know that I love you and your kids and I can’t imagine my life without you all”, he smiled. “Would you do me the honor of becoming my wife and allow me to be apart of your beautiful family?” he asked as his eyes sparkled in the firelight. I opened the ring box and the heart shaped ring from the jewelry store sparkled back at me! How could I refuse! I said, “yes!” We hugged immediately. The ring fit perfectly and looked beautiful! The next day, we called his daughter and told her and made plans for her to come down and live with us. After that, as my kids were getting ready to open their presents, I showed them my gift from Brian. My youngest daughter, who is five years old, jumped up and asked, “Does this mean we get to keep him?“ We told her yes and she gave Brian a big hug. “This is the best Christmas present ever, I get to have a dad!”, she yelled. Everyone laughed and began to open their presents. This was truly a “gift” for everyone, a husband for me, a wife for him and a father and mother for our children.