A wet spot. One drop of water on the hard, cold, marble surface is all it took to change the course of my life forever. I often wonder where I’d be or maybe who I’d be if the events of that day never took place. What you are about to read is the true, pathetic story of a young boy whose unwillingness to heed the warnings of his wise elders landed him in hot water, actually very cold water. You see, that child was me, and ever since that dreadful day I slipped and fell in the shopping mall water fountain, not even one of my many ill-advised stunts since has come close to the embarrassment I endured on that god-forsaken day.
Let me take you back to the mid- 1980’s. Things were a lot different then. There was no internet, the only place to play “cool” video games was at the arcade, and shopping malls was where everyone and anyone hung out. At least that’s what it seemed to me, a naïve seven year old whose only concerns in life were eating, getting beaten up by my older brother, and beating up my little brother.
My mom worked in a department store at Randall Park Mall, and often times my father would take my brothers and me there to spend the day. We’d eat lunch, hang out in the arcade, and see a movie, whatever. The mall always had an endless supply of crap to waste your time and your money. Then there were the water fountains. Like a moth drawn to bright light, the urge to go over and gaze at the thousands of wishes that took the form of old coins and other various items, was just too much for my brother and I to resist. The fountains often became our oasis in the hustle and bustle of the crowded mall.
I can still see that fountain in my head, as clear as day. It was round, maybe 15 feet around, with a giant stream of water exploding from the center. On all sides of the fountain were benches with people filling every available spot, some sipping slurpees, a few eating, all just going about their business. What these unsuspecting people didn’t know was that they had front row seats for the main event. My brother and I, ignoring orders from our father, climbed onto the ledge that created the boundary for the icy water that lurked mere inches from out tiny feet. An impromptu game of “tag” broke out, and my brother and I began treading around the fountain, aware of the danger, but indifferent to it none the less. The large geyser in the middle was so intense that it was sending a mist over a portion of the marble surface, creating a slick spot that was invisible to us. I had just been tagged; I was “it” and now in pursuit of my little brother. As we were running, my brother, and to this day I don’t know how he missed it, made it through the treacherous slick. Then it happened. I can still feel that gut wrenching sensation, the sensation of impending doom. Time and space came crashing to a near standstill. There I was, floating in a state of total consciousness, somewhere between my feet slipping off the ledge and the knowledge of how this was going to end. As quick as my feet had failed me, I was in. The frigid water immediately snapped me back to reality. The events following the mishap are still a little blurry to me. I heard laughing, a lot of guffaws, and maybe a few rounds of applause. Who knows. All I did know was that I needed my mom, and quick. The problem here in lies her location, all the way at the other end of the mall. So I ran, I ran as fast as I possibly could. Imagine the reactions of other people in the mall who didn’t see me fall, but now saw a fully clothed, soaking wet demon child running like a bat out of hell through the crowded mall. That had to be quite the spectacle. Upon safely reaching my mom, I was horrified to be greeted not with sympathy, but more laughter. I had sunken to an all time low, and to add insult to injury, my mom dropped the token “I told you not to play on the fountains!” It was not what I wanted to hear.
As much as I would like to forget this ever happened, my kind, supportive family keeps it as fresh as the day it happened. It’s been 25 years since that happened, and thankfully I haven’t fallen into any water deeper than that, literally and figuratively, but man was it embarrassing!