Most people deserve a raise at work. Give your employer a vision. Appear naked in one of his dreams, and remember to properly announce yourself. First, inform him that they are having a vision. If you fail to do that, your success rate of giving people visions will not achieve the maximum potential.

After you’ve completed step one, proceed to request a raise for yourself. Don’t be greedy. I’m sure your co-workers are equally deserving of a raise. Before you speak on behalf of your co-workers, however, make sure you’ve qualified yourself for a raise. After all, you’re special, and there’s only one you.

If your employer doesn’t seem convinced he’s having a vision, tell him something only you would know. Think back to any private conversations you’ve had with him. If that method of persuasion proves ineffective, fall back on threats. Don’t worry about committing acts of violence — you’ll only be bluffing. If threats don’t work, try performing miracles. Be creative though — don’t perform a miracle that’s already been used in the Bible, Koran, Torah, or any other popular spiritual manuscript.

Are you the boss? Give your employees visions so they’ll be more accepting of lay-offs, cuts in pay, or slave labor. If you break the law, however, be prepared to give visions to federal agents and any other law enforcement officials you may encounter.

Parents, are your children misbehaving? Are you unhappy with their grades? Is your teenager paying too much money for drugs? Apply similar principles for giving them visions, and soon you’ll have the perfect child you’ve always dreamt about.

Anyone reading to this point has probably waited for an important question to be answered, “How do I appear naked in other people’s dreams?” Deeply apologetic, I confess I don’t have the answer. Had I been born a science fiction writer I could easily provide that crucial piece of information. I don’t know when the instructions will become available, but when it does, you’ll need this article for reference. Please print a copy and retain it for your records.

by Macken 844