“That may be,” I countered.  “That doesn’t make it right.  It may be somewhat okay conversationally — and that is debatable — but never in formal writing.”

“Well, we are having a conversation,” she argued.

“Oh I know, but I’m also writing this down, remember?  You are part of an article I am writing.”

“Oh dear,” she said in a rather exasperated tone.  “I knew I should have fixed up my hair before coming over.”

“No one can see you, Aunt Ruth.  This isn’t television.”

“Ah I see.  Well never mind then.  Now where were we?  Oh yes — like and as.”

“You see, dear aunt, it’s basically like this.  The word ‘like’ is a preposition, and the word ‘as’ is a conjunction.”

“Oh my, I think I’m getting one of my headaches.”  She staggered toward the comfy chair and plopped into it, her hand on her forehead.

“Don’t worry about the details, Aunt Ruth; just remember a couple simple things.  Use ‘like’ for a noun or pronoun; use ‘as’ for a phrase or clause.”

“For example?” she asked, intrigued.

“You look like Albert Einstein,” I suggested.

She winced.

Image via Wikipedia

“You look as Albert Einstein looks on a bad hair day,” I continued.

Wham!

When I opened my eyes, Aunt Ruth was standing in front of me, waving smelling salts near my nose. 

“I found these in your kitchen drawer, right next to the frosted melon lipstick.  Why do you have lipstick in your drawer?”

My head was throbbing, but I managed to absorb what she was saying.  “I, uh, that’s a long story, Aunt Ruth.”

“You should write about it sometime,” she suggested.

“I already did,” I muttered.

“You did?  How come I didn’t hear about it?” she demanded.

“I don’t know.  That story got very few page hits.”

“Oh well.  Now, darling nephew with three lumps on his head, tell me more about like and as.”

“Are you sure you wouldn’t like some elderberry wine?” I asked, with a sinister smile.

“No, uh, no thanks,” she replied, turning pale again.  “Just tell me about like and as.”

“First of all, remember that really this is primarily for formal writing.  In conversation, don’t worry about it as much.  Anyway, as simply as I know how to say it, something is like a noun, but something is as a phrase or clause.  For example, you sweat like a rhinoceros; you eat like a hippo; your hair looks like a bird nest; and you smell like …”

“Enough about like,” she interrupted.  “Tell me about as.”

“You sweat as a rhinoceros on a hot tin roof would; you eat as a hippo does; your hair looks as a bird nest that went through a tornado; and you smell as …”

Wham!

I didn’t open my eyes again until the next morning.