My life was always so simple. It may have not been the best life, but it was so simple. There were the sad times… which occupied most of my life, but there were a few good ones scattered throughout.  And when they came, they were the best of my life.

   There was my first love. He was a wonderful man and he showed me how to be myself. How to come out and show the world how I really felt. I was happy after that. I would go home to my personal hell, but because of him I was able to be happy when I could escape to reality. I felt that everything was whole finally. It was like the sun had come out after years of a long winter.

   But it didn’t last. I was blind to his adultery and avoided any thought of what it could lead to. He knew that I knew. He loved me, and couldn’t stand my constant suffering at his hands. So he left, attempting to shed the least amount blood as possible. I understood, but I know a piece of my heart left with him. And it hurt all the time.

   I became anti-social. My teachers noticed as well and kept me well away from other students. I was a dreary girl and no one wanted to come near me. I was quiet and cold. The world had turned its back on me… and I had let it. My heart yearned for suicide, but with my baby sister I couldn’t bear to leave her with an unfit mother. So I took it out on myself. Ah… Not cutting like you assume though. I would tell myself what I could be… And why I could never make it there.

   So I met Stephanie. My newest teacher was not so understanding of my ‘situation’ and had placed me with another student of my… what did she call it… “Behavioral Status”. Whatever that may mean. She was quiet like me and casted several weary glances my way before asking my name. I responded with my coldest glare, telling her my name was Ava. She almost curled up in her chair, attempting to hide herself from me.

   I felt a shred of guilt. I turned to face her and I apologized in the sweetest voice I could muster. She stared for a moment, and nodded forgiveness. And so began a lovely friendship.

   It was hard, connecting with another human after so long. I slowly found out that we had so much in common. With her, I could finally laugh again. We would laugh together, and we would spend every moment we could together. We were called lesbians and dykes… But it didn’t matter as long as I had her.

   In some ways, it felt like love. But love was something different. This was such a deep connection. It was beyond love. It was like she was intertwined with me in such a deep sense. It’s unexplainable. In my head I was always thinking, “My god… This is how twins feel.” And it was true. We had some kind of telepathic connection. I knew what she was going to say before she said it, and other things like that.
   
   And it was never ending. The two of us finished school; we lived together until we were 26. But for everything good in my life, it always had to end. Ah… And the world was spinning to an end so fast it felt.

   Stephanie fell in love. I clung with all my heart, but it seemed to drive her away. I could feel part of me leaving with her, dragging a blade slowly across the small piece left of my heart. And finally she was gone, Left to Rome with her beloved. It was a love story… But to every love story, there will be a broken heart. And mine was completely shattered.

   My mental and physical health was slowly declining, I could feel it myself. People around me would try hard to cheer me up. At work, my art became depressing and dark. My boss sold many of my works, but he never cared about his “rising star”. My home was messy and I never bothered to clean. I tried whenever I had the heart to visit my sister. She was still living with my mom.

   By a year later, I had crashed and burned. I lost my job, my friends, and my mother and sister were slipping away. And that is when my life took its final turn. My sister had died in a horrible accident, along with my mother. I sobbed and I cried, and I knew…

   It was all over.

   So I lay here… my blood soaked clothes leaking onto the dull grey carpet. I can see the world swirl before me and I wish… For just once… That I could see them… see them all one more time. Stephanie’s smiling face as she told me I would be with her forever… My mother when she was sober, laughing with me and My sister at the fair… My love, when he held me tight, telling me that everything would be okay… And my beautiful sister as she laughed happily as I drove her to prom… And I am slipping away into black, wishing and hoping, that for me… No one would ever have to feel the way I did.

Right now….
In a black and broken state of ultimate loneliness…