Officer Aunt Ruth to you, fella.
“Aunt Ruth,” I said. “When did you become an officer and why the rough treatment?”
She flashed her badge. “You have the right to remain silent. You have the right to …”
“Aunt Ruth,” I began again.
“Officer Aunt Ruth to you, my criminal nephew!” she exclaimed.
“Criminal nephew? What did I do?” I asked.
“What did you do? What did you do?” she repeated. “You broke 755-HR, excessive speeding; in addition, since that flagrant violation, you have broken 1406-SB and 2297-RBI, obstructing justice and arguing with an officer of the law.”
“But I haven’t argued with an officer,” I argued.
“Now you have,” she countered. “Those laws comprise the safety regulations for this fair city.”
“No, Aunt Ruth, you’ve got it backwards.”
She lifted her hat up off her head, made sure the front was facing forward, and put it back on.
“I’ve got what backwards?” she asked.
“Comprise. The regulations comprise 755-HR and whatever the other ones were. The 755-HR and the others don’t comprise the regulations.”
“Good grief, you ferocious felon. How am I supposed to keep that straight?” she demanded.
“Think of comprise as being include or embrace,” I suggested.
“The regulations comprise; the regulations include; the regulations embrace … okay, I think that will work for me,” she said smiling.
“So may I go now?” I asked hopefully.
“Freeze!” she said again, pointing the pistol at me.
“Aunt, I mean Officer Aunt Ruth, please don’t point that thing at me,” I asked, somewhat concerned for my safety.
“Oh I’ve been through all the marksmanship courses,” she boasted. “I can shoot this thing so accurately that I could shave your whiskers from two hundred yards.”
“Two hundred yards? Surely you’re not serious.”
“I’m totally serious. Pistol training, rifle training, machine gun training, and coffee making comprise our firearm training,” she replied.
“Backwards Aunt Ruth,” I reminded her. “Think of include.”
“Oh yes. Our firearm training comprises pistol training, rifle training, machine gun training, and coffee making.”
“That’s better. Coffee making?”
“Coffee steadies the hands. Now watch this.”
She handed me a pair of binoculars. “Look through these things at that sign post. That post is about two hundred yards away.”
I obeyed her order.
“Now,” she said. “Do you see a fly buzzing around that sign post?”
“Yes,” I replied. I did see the fly, small though it was.
“Watch this.”
BANG!
She took one shot, startling the daylights out of me. I could still see the fly buzzing around the sign post.
“Aunt, uh, Officer Aunt Ruth, I still see the fly. You missed it.”
“Darling nephew, I did not miss the fly. Indeed, due to my fine shooting skills, that fly will never have kids again. Its mating days are over.”
“So Officer, was I really speeding?” I asked.
“Oh sure. I clocked you going 35.8 mph in a 35 mph zone. Technically that’s speeding.”
I sighed.
“I’ll let you off the hook this time,” she said gruffly.
Then she smiled. “Really, darling nephew, I just wanted you to see my new pistol. They gave it to me as a gift for my work in keeping our city safe from crime.”
“But Aunt, uh, Officer Aunt Ruth, we don’t have crime in this city,” I argued.
“Exactly. When did crime disappear from this area?”
“Oh, perhaps two years ago,” I estimated.
“Precisely my point. I’ve been on the force for just over two years. Now, run along. I’ve got to be going myself. My Taekwando lessons start in fifteen minutes.”
“You’re taking Taekwando?” I asked, amazed.
“Taking it? Heavens no. I’m teaching it.”
I find Aunt Ruth hilarious. 
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