Most people have never seen an alien in their life. Because of this they are known as ‘common folks’. The simpleton, who are too busy worrying where their next meal would come from.

But there are some educated, qualified people. They are special because they have seen the aliens. They know how to greet them on first meeting. Gleaned from them here are some points to remember.

The first thing is that it is not going to be an appointed meeting. They are not salesman – “Sir/Madam, we have great products from Futura planet. If you could fix a meeting date and time for a demo, we would be grateful.”

No Sir. Actually the meeting would happen this way. You are on a long drive outside city. All around seeing not a single green blade of grass on planet earth you are despondent, wondering if we really would have to shift to Mars. But suddenly you find some bushes on roadside and realize all is not lost. You decide to do your own bit. And how but wet the bushes. So that there would be more bushes. Law says it is an illegal act. Not the growing more bushes act but wetting a government land which belongs to everyone.

Just as you proceed toward the bushes you will find HIM (just as God is Him not Her, the first alien that you meet will most probably be a Him not Her).

John McCartney, the Chief Research Director at National Alien Survivors Agency (NASA) warns, “It is a very critical moment, like suddenly seeing a big snake. You are alarmed, but the snake is more alarmed seeing the most ruthless animal of the planet earth. Handle it carefully.”

The alien could be nude, purple, single eyed, male or female, third or fourth gender, time warped or fourth dimensional. You need to be ready for any surprise.

“Never, never extend your hand for hand shake,” John advises. “It could be taken for aggression. Do the Japanese bowing or Indian greeting with folded hands.”

Like in any tense situation – breath easy. Play it cool and concentrate on the task in hand – how to get back home with your life and limbs intact.

“Smile,” says Takamura, a senior professor of Humanities and Aliens at Oxbridge. “It always works. Say ‘Hi’, ‘Hello’ but not too many words. If they do not understand, it could be misunderstood for foul language. Remember they are more intelligent, superior, advanced than us. That’s why they are here while to send a few just outside earth we have to blow up many astronauts mid-air.”

Do not laugh or poke fun at their physical deformities – “My God! Your Love Handles on hip are bigger than your posterior.” Smile yes but violent Ha! Ha! Hee! Hee! – a strict no. Most probably you would be too scared but do not show it.

If you are left intact then for the rest of the meeting you have to rely on your instinct. Take your own decision for the present situation and come back safe and sound – to grow more bushes.

Have a happy day!