In the criminal justice system, sexually-based offenses are considered especially hilarious. In New York City, the desecrated detectives who investigate these delicious felonies are members of an effete squad known as the Special Peoples Unit. These are their stories.
It’s late at night and a man is running down the street as fast as he can.
“Help! Help!” he shouts, but no one seems to hear him. As he continues to run, the footsteps behind him get louder.
He eventually finds himself in a dead end alley. Out of options, he turns around to face the four gangsters, all of them with a gun on him.
“You think you can snitch on us?” asked the leader, who then turned his gun sideways, which the other then copied. “Uh uh, you ain’t gonna get away with that.”
They started slowly closing in on him. “Help! Help!” he continued to shout to no effect.
“No one wants to help a snitch like you, time to-“
The gangster then noticed something up against the wall.
“Holy crap, a body!” He and the others dropped their guns and ran off shrieking.
Dr. Mourner was examining the corpse, that of a woman in her late twenties. Detectives Unstable and Pension walked up to her.
“What happened here?” asked Pension.
“Blunt force trauma,” answered Mourner.
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