Well, we met on this site

Quite late Friday night

She was gorgeous from what I could see

Her photo looked fine

So I sent her mine

It was clear that she quite fancied me

Then her profile I read, and

Here’s what it said

“I am slim, I am leggy and fair”

I was sorely impressed

So I thought it was best

I invited her out then and there

Now, the place for the meet

Was a pub on our street

Next evening about seven thirty

I had a hot shower

And smelled like a flower

Don’t want her to think that I’m dirty

It was nearing the time

I’d washed of the grime

I dressed and I’d made me some grub

But my heart skipped a beat

And I just couldn’t eat

So I took myself of to the pub

Well, I had one or two

You know, as you do

To build up my nerve for the date

With one eye on the door

And then just a few more

I was praying she wouldn’t be late

I was checking the clock

When I got quite a shock

She was there right in front of my eyes

Well I tried not to stare

At her head with no hair

At her chest or her gigantic thighs

Then she said “Hello mate,

I am here for that date

I’m Doris and you must Fred ?”

Wel, i looks in her eyes,and

I quite quickly replies

“I’m his twin, my poor brother is dead”

Well, I leapt from my seat

And ran into the street

Most intent on a rapid escape

If I’d stayed there with her

I know what would occur

I could end up a victim of rape