Once again, I sit and wait on hold waiting for my child support officer to pick up her phone. Over and over again I listen to the drone of the hold music, interrupted by some indiscriminate operator’s pre-recorded message “please hold your call is important to us, blah blah, blah.” As I sit there and wait, I mentally prepare myself for the fight. Not the argument with my support officer about collecting support, not the fight against my deadbeat ex, but against the stereotype of the single parent.  My officer picks up the phone “Scott County this is Jan.”  “Hi Jan, this is Mary Pulk.” I give her all my case number info, social security number, before I can go on with my question I am rudely interrupted. “sigh, hold on please.”  I hear typing, then a snotty looking down the nose voice, “What kind of assistance are you currently receiving?” “Well, believe it or not, I’m not receiving any assistance. I just called to.”  I am abruptly interrupted and put on hold yet again.

It seems a day never goes by where I don’t take issue with someone who has pre-conceived notions of what single parenthood involves. Even my child support officer has preconceived notions of single parenthood. She has assumed, on more than one occasion I was on some sort of public assistance. The first few times I explained to her politely that I wasn’t receiving any assistance, even though she goes through the same questions every time I call her, in a voice that makes you feel like less of a person, just for calling, especially when she sighs as if you haven’t answered even the most basic questions correctly, sighs again as if she’s heard every sad single parent’s needy story of the dire need for their support.  She asks my name, my social security or case number and what kind of assistance I am receiving. Not if I am receiving assistance, but just what kind. After about the third time I went through this line of questioning with her, I finally had enough of withholding my true opinions of her and made a semi-rude remark, by saying “if I was receiving assistance, I am sure you would be more diligent about collecting my child support.”  I also gave her a bit of a lecture, that she shouldn’t be so ignorant to believe that every custodial parent is on assistance, and she should be ashamed of her ignorance. I think that drove the point home, since she seemed shocked that someone, in my lowly position would even dare to comment back to her, or have an educated opinion about anything to do with the child support system. I am pretty sure she now remembers me, by name alone, when I call. I am often amazed by this behavior from my support officer, since I know she had to earn a degree to be placed in her position in social work, and should be educated enough to know that not all single parents receive assistance, and some of those who are receiving assistance, are working damn hard to get on their feet and off it. But yet, somehow I knew, that her next call was probably answered in the same shameful drawl in which she originally handled mine.