“I’ll do it,” said Mat4ney.

The ninjas carried on throwing ninja stars at each other. When Mat4ney took aim, one of the ninjas stopped and stared at the red dot, and with only .015 seconds of delay, a ninja star went right through his neck. In glory, the other ninja turned around and got shot in the head.

“Dude, both ninjas are dead!” Tom exclaimed.

“Yes,” said Mat4ney. “Yes they are.”

“We should be Ninja-hunters, tracking down and killing deadly ninjas!” said iFondle.

And so they became Ninja-hunters,hunting ninjas for the good of humankind. But it wasn’t long before they found another ninja… who swiftly attacked them. It immediately made a large gash in Private’s arm. He screamed in pain, but he ate some chicken. When he ate the chicken, a message popped up, saying:

“You eat the chicken. It heals some health.”

Now, the gash is but a scratch. Meanwhile, the ninja cut off JJ’s arm, and Zaphod was spraying bullets everywhere using the AK-47. He failed to hit anything, but JJ ate some beef. Another message popped up saying:

“You eat the beef. It heals some health.”

JJ ate 2 more slabs of beef, and the same message popped up a couple more times. 

“Where are these messages popping up at??” screamed Mat4ney in panic.

“I don’t know!” said iFondle. “But the same message popped up 3 times when I ate 3 sharks after the ninja took an arm and a leg!”

“How are we surviving all this!?” yelled JJ.

“I don’t know!” came Private’s reply.

“OPEN FIRE!!!” screamed Zaphod.

Suddenly, there was gunfire everywhere. There were so many bullets, not even a ninja could escape. The ninja died with 5 bullet holes in him, but everyone in the group got shot a mad number of times. 

Everyone was eating like crazy. Messages were popping up everywhere saying people ate different foods and they healed health.

From a 3rd person perspective, there was mass confusion as to why 7 guys were eating so fast, why they were in Marine uniforms, why they all just shot each other, how they were healing so fast, and why so many messages were randomly popping up, and more importantly, where they were coming from.

“Whew, that was a close one!” said iFondle.

Suddenly, there was a nicely lit mushroom cloud forming in the south-east, followed by a distant boom: it was the nuclear explosion from Tim’s launch. 

Almost immediately, there were many police sirens around the city going off, as if they sent a fleet of police cars to search for them. Their worst fears were confirmed as the cops went up the street. When the police thought they saw them, they slowed down, but the guys were so good at hiding, the cops just went on by.

Apparently, immediately when Tim launched the nuke, Area 51 was able to track the launch all the way to Tim’s equipment, then the equipment responded by analyzing Tim’s DNA then sending it back. It also has information on the people Tim was with, so at this point in time, they all have a lifetime jail sentence set for them.

“I don’t want to go to jail!” wailed Tim.

“Neither do I,” said Zaphod, “so we need to come up with a plan. On one hand, we could get high rewards for this, or a death sentence, but either way, we skip out on jail.”

What is Zaphod’s plan, and will it be effective? Will they be able to escape the police? Or will they be arrested and/or sentenced to Death? What will happen to them in the long run in their attempts to evade their Jail sentence? Boredom Hits Americans: Part 2