To the outsiders, Chippewa Mountains appears to be just like every other high school. Unbeknownst to those lucky citizens, there is a dark secret tarnishing the bloodied blue ribbon of this school. A deep fissure once divided the Big Red staff, leaving students scrambling in the midst of the age-old fight between good and evil. It all started several years ago when radioactive coffee grounds made it into the rickety old Mr. Coffee Maker at a staff meeting. Frazzled and weary from a day of dealing with troubled teens, the teachers gulped the brew down like rabid hyenas, barely even noticing the odd aftertaste that lingered on their palettes. Most of them developed odd tics and mannerisms or heightened senses to catch miscreants. For a group of six teachers however, the consequences were a bit more pronounced.

                 Now before I go any further, before I tell you the truth behind what happened in the hallowed halls of that too-brightly lit prison, you must promise me one thing. For the sake of both your safety and my own, you must never attempt to go looking for any of these teachers. I have decided to risk my own life because I believe that you deserve to know the truth. But if any of the villains in my story hear even the faintest whisper that someone has unveiled their true identity, none of us will be safe.

              Now that we’ve gotten that cleared up, let me get back to my story. Six teachers were drastically altered from the ingestion of the radioactive coffee grounds. The first, who I will henceforth refer to as “Mr. Refif,” developed the power to slowly bore students to death. Chemical names and formulas would twirl off his tongue with the occasional bad joke until the students’ brains literally began to melt. The second teacher, whom I shall call “Ms. Justcameova-Stills,” was even more vile than Refif. Upon first glance she seemed harmless, but as soon as she whipped off her spectacles her glare could make even the most intelligent among us feel incompetent within an instant. The third teacher, however, made Refif and Stills look like angelic children. She was the ruthless leader of the villains – the epitome of evil. We’ll refer to her as Satan, AKA “Ms. Prozac.” She had the most ghastly ability of all – the power of prejudice. She could make students fail simply because she did not like them. Prozac was so omnipotent that she could even bend the laws of English grammar and spelling just to make sure that her scorned students did not get the good grades that they truly deserved.