“Is it mine?”

            “Yes.  Yes, you asshole” she whispered, nodding her head as if to confirm.

            “Well what are we going to do?” I asked, still hopeful. 

            “I am going back to New York.  I booked a ticket with your credit card this morning”

            My mouth was suddenly drained of all the saliva I had and a frog moved into my throat to open an umbrella.  I shuddered. 

            “Caroline, no.  Caroline please no”

            “Dude, I don’t even know you man.  I can’t have a baby with you”

            “Caroline, please don’t go.  Please Caroline.  I need you, please” I stuttered.

            “I’m twenty-two” she sobbed. “I’m a child! I can’t just take care of this thing”. 

            “Caroline I’m here for you, I’ll help you.  We’ll be a team.  We’ll always be a team”.

            “You wanna have a fucking baby dude? You’re cool with having a fucking baby? Look man, we shot the shit for a good time but I can’t deal with a baby.  I can’t deal with you”.

            What came off as her irrationality made my scar burn. 

            “No” I said.  The next thing I knew I had gone mad.  I grabbed her by her neck and jammed my tongue in her throat.  Her resistance made my heart race faster and my cock get harder.  I stopped for just a second to look at her, a disheveled child, just the way she said she was. 

            “No Joe” she  pleaded softly, “Joseph, please no.”

            I threw her on the couch and pinned her down as she was catching her balance to get up and run.  I sat on top of her with my legs on her arms and began to rip her clothes off as she squirmed beneath me.  She kept screaming “No! No!” but I didn’t care. It made me want to fuck her harder.  I thrust myself into her pruned up vagina as she howled in pain and minutes later everything went white.  My ears began to ring and I lay on top of my weeping lover.  I lay there for a little while until I caught my breath, then got up and went to the bathroom.  I looked at myself in the mirror, held on to the sink, and roared.  I returned to find the room empty.  Caroline had gone, her torn clothes still strewn across the small living area.  I shamefully ran out the door to stop her.  To apologize.  To tell her what she meant to me.  What our baby meant to me.  About Allie.  About everything.  The pearly sun blinded me and I squinted in all directions, trying to locate the beautiful brunette I was to miss for many years to come.  She was nowhere. 

            Later that year I saw Benny again in the International District.  He was still short and good-looking.  I was still tall and lanky.  Caroline was still gone.  I was still unhappy.  I would always be unhappy.