I’m not going to stand in your way anymore Lucy.

 Almost as soon as I sent the text his mobile rang, right on cue as I knew it would. No doubt they had pet names for one another that they signed off messages with. I could only hope that it wasn’t our own.

 I didn’t know whether to implore or berate her for being so ballsy to ring me back. I held my breath waiting to hear her voice. I don’t know what I expected, but the reality could not have been more of a surprise.

 ”Katherine, I want to say I’m sorry, but you don’t deserve my lies. I can’t apologise for something that feels right”.

 I had to catch my breath. If it hadn’t of been for cancer I wouldn’t be having this conversation but that wasn’t how the future was meant to be. I can’t pretend that it didn’t choke me up, but I had to listen to what this woman had to say. This was my chance to hear the truth and face up to reality. Lucy was replacing me.

 ”What…” I dropped the phone. One hand cupping my mouth and the other my deflated heart. I could not let her hear me cry. I gave a little squeak that she was gracious enough not to question.

 I picked up the phone and sat on the edge of the bed, eye-level with my dressing table mirror. The same mirror I used to apply my makeup each and every morning before work while I admired the view of Gavin behind me as he busied about with just a towel around his waist. Our sex life had been so good.

 I looked haggard, tired. So much older than my years, gone was the puppy fat and my colour. I didn’t always have this yellow wax-like complexion.

 I composed myself and delivered my question clearly and without emotion, “What do you look like Lucy?” I was as straight forward as I could be, she was pulling no punches either.

 Lucy sighed, she actually pityed me! How dare she! In my heart I knew it too, that I was just subjecting myself to torture but I was compelled to do it.

 ”Katherine don’t do this…” her voice was surprisingly gentle, mother-like. Not the minx I had imagined her to be with the husky seductive purr.