There is so much pain and I can’t deal with it.  Every time I close my eyes, I see him coming closer to me with his mocking smile and I just stand there and don’t do nothing but take it.  I squeeze my eyes tighter, hoping that will keep him at bay, but he just laughs on.  It will be okay.  It will be okay.  I say to myself, but the pain intensifies and pushes up through my gut out to the surface.

3 years ago….

“You are always accusing me of something.  I said I was at my boy’s pad and you still think that I am doing something,” he says.  He pushed past me without any hesitation to go into the kitchen.  “By the way, I need you to watch the kids tonight.  Me and the homies are going out to the club to hang out,” He said.  I pushed strands of my hair back behind my ear and looked at him curiously.  I didn’t say much, but studied him up and down, trying to figure out what this man was thinking.

I didn’t agree or disagree with him and then I finally said something.  “Sorry, you’ll have to ask the mother of your children to watch them.  Just because I am here doesn’t make me an automatic babysitter,” I said as I walked past him to refrigerator to grab a soda.  He immediately became quiet and looked up at me with bitter eyes.  He put his beer down and took a step closer to me, but I didn’t flinch.  I had enough of this.

“What do you have to do that is so important?” He challenged me.  I continued to drink my soda and simply walked past him.  I simply didn’t care today.  He pulled out a chair and sat down and waited for my answer.  I smiled at him sweetly and turned my back on him.  “Hey!  I’m still waiting for an answer!” 

I spun around and faced him with venom in my bloodshot eyes.  “I’ll tell you why, you ungrateful little man.  I’m tired of being your babysitter.  I am tired of you lying straight in my face when you are not where you say you are.  I’m tired of you using my car and never leaving any gas in it.  I’am simply tired and I would like to have a night to myself!”  I yelled at him.  He looked surprised, but continued to speak to me.