“Yeah, what?”

“Hello. Is that Mr. Winter?”

“No, and you pronounced it like, all wrong.”

“I’m conducting a survey on people aged 50-75 years old. Would anybody at your house fall into that age range?”

“Hmmm…yeah, why not? Yeah, I’m like totally in that age.”

“Are you sure Miss? You sound a lot younger.”

“I am! Like, totally! I swear, I’m 64.”

“Okay, Miss. How often do you do exercise each week?”

“Ummm… old people stuff! Yeah, that’s right. I walk around the house doing old people stuff like cleaning and gardening. That’s, like, all my exercise.”

“And how old are you again?”

“Ummm… 72. I told you that.”

“You said 64.”

“Like you’d know. Where are you like calling from anyway?”

“I’m from-”

BEEP

“Oh, that’s my call waiting. Like don’t hang up telemarketer dude. I’ll be back in like a minute.”

BEEP

“I-I-I’m b-back.”

“You sound upset.”

“M-me and my boyfriend just b-broke up. He said that he wanted someone more mature. But like, what’s the big deal? There’s not that much difference between 16 and 17. Oops. Oh, I mean 72 and 73. Of course. Because I’m old.”

“I’m sorry. Would you like to continue the survey?”

“Oh, don’t be sorry. We’ll get back together. I told him I’d die before I let him break up with me. And that if he dared break up with me, I’d tell everyone how his Dad REALLY died.”

“Are you implying he killed his father?”

“Yeah, he totally did. He told me. That’s where he got his fancy car from. That money.”

“Miss, shouldn’t you call the police? And secure your doors? Now? You supposedly just threatened a murderer.”

“No! He like, totally loves me. We’ve been going out 2 whole weeks.”

“He broke up with you.”

“Look, either do the survey, or go awa- oh, hi what are you doing here? Why have you got a knife? Are you gonna cook me dinner? Oh, that’s so, like, sweet!”

“Miss, is he there in the house? I think you should run now.”

“Shut up. What do you know about our true love? What did you say sweetie-kins? Stop it. You’re scaring me. You look weird with your face angry like that. What are you doing? Can’t you just go cook the dinner already? I’d like mine cooked mediu-”

“Miss? Miss? Are you still there? Miss?”

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

“Miss? Miss?”