I wish that all my memories to all be happy ones, but there not, sometimes I wonder why I have a feeling of emptiness and just scream for it to be fixed.  When 2 people make a decision to date, then get married, please take your time, that decision that you are both making can affect others in the long run.  I don’t really know what happened with my parents, but all I can tell you is by the time I was six years old they were no longer together.  I have five other siblings that can also share my statement.  My oldest brother and I are very close, my other 4 siblings are also close but only with each other, ” How dysfunctional is that?”  One day my mother packed her things and  left.  All I can remember is that my father took my brother and I to my grandmother and told her that if she did not take us in he was going to put my brother and I in a home.  I spent a large chunk of my life with my grandmother, who was stern, strict, and very religious.  I remember sitting in church one day; that is where I spent allot of my time saying “when I get older I am never going to church”.  My grandmother favored my brother much more than she did me.  I was stubborn, rebellious and sassy.  It seemed like I’d get a beating almost every day.  One day my grandmother got mad at something I said and started pounding me on the head with her shoe until I started to bleed, and her response to that was, “look what you made me do”.  My brother seemed like he had a get out of jail free pass attached to his butt.  My whole entire life has not been one big tragedy, but there are allot of things that I ‘d like to delete.  By the age of sixteen I ran away from home and was almost killed at a party and soon after that I stayed with my father in the Bronx, on Bathgate Avenue.  (that’s another story)  My father would leave in the morning  I’d  do whatever, and he’d come in, in the evening fix something to eat then go in his room, close his door, then I’d see him again the next morning.   So as a result of lack of supervision I was with child, a high  school drop-out, and abandoned by my father and living with a lady I had befriended,  who later managed to find my stepfather and  then I lived with him until I had my first son. ( by the way he was a mean drunk who almost broke my neck.)  After I left the hospital I stayed with my 2 Aunts in Queens, my aunt Viola had 4 children 2 of which were adopted.  My aunt Beatrice had 2 children, and she and her daughter were; lets just say they were not very nice people.  Both of my aunts are deceased and my grandmother as well, I am now 52 years old, but I am happy to say that before my grandmother passed away became very close, she frequently visited and bake pies, make chicken, biscuits from scratch.  I really miss her, but I am glad we were able to spend that time together.  I have had allot of bad relationships, I guess you can say I was looking for love in all the wrong places.   My youngest son which I am proud to say turned out very well and lives in Virginia, my oldest  son; well you’ve heard of generational curses, is now trying to drink himself to death, he is so much like me, but as I got older I learned to love myself so I turned my tragedies into happiness.  God provided me with a wonderful husband, we now live in North Carolina and in the morning I get up, go walking and commune with god.  I face allot of rejection, but still feel so much love in spite of that, I think that is because of all the horrific things that happened in my life, I just want to treat people the opposite of how they treat me.