To set the scene I had just woken up… itched my nads had a cigarette and took a casual walk to the kitchen, only to discover I wasn’t wearing any boxers or my dressing gown. I crept slowly andquietly back into my room… and found a pair of clean never worn boxers that were a tight fit around my genticles…… then found my friend Effi at the door… looking at the weapon in my boxers…. I think she had the wrong idea… I said “hey”… silly thing to do while in my possition of nakedness. She then promptly said “cover the f**k up danny boy” I then sprinted to my room and put some shorts on and a shirt, grabbed my cigarettes and made my way to the kitchen. 

I stuck the kettle on… I know… again tight fit… you funny b**t**ds. Pulled out two cups from the cupboard and got the sugar and the coffee from the side. Upon walking to the fridge… katy screamed “distraction!!!”… what do you know… bloody distraction and 3/4 silly wench made me stub my toe on the fridge!!  I wish some women were built with a bloke button, just for 10 seconds every hour… then give them a thump. So after I managed to get the milk out of the fridge, I sorted out the brews…. I swear my mouth was as dry as Ghandi’s left slipper. I then started drinking the piping hot cuppa and started talking to the she demon that had oggled at my package!

Effi told me “you have to sort your life out danny, and meet up with the lads…have a laugh” I said “sodd that, besides its a s**t day”  she had me up the wooden hill faster than you could say f**kin heida! she then pulled boxers down and crammed me in the shower… so I thought about it… then just wen along with it. I washed my loaf and nads….so I was smelling perdy…

She then launched a towel at my chops and said “dry up and get dressed, places to be and bones to chew” so I got ready smelling like a whores handbag then I put my boots on. With that Effi had to dash “see ya danny boy catch youin a mo” I thought to myself what the f**k was that about.