I walked out of my house after locking the back door and made my way out to a shitty old bridge…. so there I was crossing the road (safely might I add), when suddenly this complete and utter ejit came racing past me, so naturally I did what any human would do in that situation…. S**T myself (yes thats right…I found out that adrenaline is definately Brown with a capital B), then started to shout very odd words. “you royal f**king toffee nosed tw*t, I’ll come to your house at christmas… take all of your presents… piss on your kids and tap dance back out the door”

safe to say I was not best pleased with the jeb end…. so I went about my business walking to the bridge… crappy idea…. I then waited 5 minutes for Timmy and Law to come to me. I finally saw them stopped, had a cigarette and a chat then parted ways after organising a time later so we could meet up…right old w**k that was. So I trudged home, itched my dangle berries and saw the same bell end who nearly ran me over two finger salute was the first thing that sprung to mind. I finally got home!! yay me.

(15:05) (ring, ring, ring grrr)

it was a pretty shitty time of the day… the part of the day that pisses every last person off, the boredom part of the day… you know the feeling… if you don’t you need your head looking at… I’m sane trust me. then the wife (girlfriend) started calling me (mental thoughts at this point.. don’t be upset… can’t deal with it) “hey babe… you ok?… hello… hello.. babe…talk…(at this point I thought I wasjust thinking….) “For f**ks sake!!! useless f**king wank…. jew nibbling piece of s**t f*” she then picked up “sorry babe are you busy?” I said “no” she replied “well there was a god awful amount of swearing going on” I  can’t lie for toffee…. “just stubbed my toe babe…its nothing.” Then pretended to be in pain…. (silly thing to do… women know when you fake it) “balls**t… you just didn’t want to answer the phone” (accurate but not my first thought)

(… 1hr 30mins later on)  I magically survived an ear bashing she hung up!!….wooo!!..

ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring

F**KING GRRR!!!!!!! “STOP TAKING THE PISS!!!”

(Stay tuned to my pages Part 2 coming up at some point soon!!)