This is a new series I wanted to try out to see how popular the theory I have in what people like to read is correct or not. I would appreciate feedback on this. This is a first of a series of mini stories I am calling Dark Hearts.

Amaya had been with Zack for a long time, 6 years to be exact. She was hoping that he would eventually ask her to marry him. She was primping herself for their Saturday late night date after he got off work like they did every Saturday. She finished primping and then went to wait in the living room. She got anxious easily when waiting for him to arrive; her whole world was all Zack. So she turned on the TV to pass time.

Shortly after she turned on the TV, a knock came on the door. She jumped out of her seat practically running for the door. Before she answered she quickly checked herself in the mirror and composed herself to not seem too eager. She never let Zack see how head over heels in love she was with him, but she couldn’t help it at all. He was not the hottest guy in school that she grew up with, but he was still the greatest guy to ever have walked into her life in her eyes.

She opened the door and Zack’s dad stood there. She blinked in confusion. “Hey dad. What are you doing here?” She asked softly.

She always called Zack’s father, dad because he already saw her as part of the family. She normally didn’t see much of his parents with them often being on business trips. Zack’s dad was a big time business man for some computer company he owned. He often said the job was a 24/7/365 career and that he’d be able to give the world to his family someday. Zack’s mom was always doing errands for the company since she was company secretary, so when her husband went on business trips so did she.

She looked to Zack’s dad with confusion, he was on a business trip to Amarillo last she had heard and wasn’t expected back for another 3 days. What had brought him home, and here? Her heart began to race in her chest fearing the worst of her beloved Zack.

His dad cleared his throat, “Amaya my dear…can we…can we talk a moment?” His voice was cordial as it often was since he often felt he was a constant image of his company whether during or after technical business hours.

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  • Lord Banks on Aug 20, 2012

    I did read the whole story after you messaged me. I’ll be honest its not the kind of work I read. I love short stories however its what a I write full time (Not always paid) I too felt the ending was abrupt. Normally in short stories there is a twist ending? something unexpected although the boy died why? was he taking drugs or not? For me if I’m being constructive (Which I am) it has too many loose ends and the ending is abrupt and seems to serve no purpose? I too write stories with a dark side many of my characters get killed off. Some of my friends say I have slipped up if I don’t kill anyone in a story! lol. However the death normally has a meaning; the character would die trying to save some one or die heroically. People do die in traffic accidents every day…do we really want to read about it in fiction? Your passion for the story does shine through I think. If I can help in any way let me know. LB

  • KittyWolfSpirit on Aug 20, 2012

    Well this wasn’t my best work and half way through I actually started rushing it. I am thinking about deleting and redoing it when I have more time to think over my story line.

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