DC and Marvel dispute handling of public safety.

“You mind telling me,” asked Gordon, “what you’re doing here in Gotham?” 

“I’m coordinating Commissioner Loeb’s funeral that takes place in Dark Knight,” said Stacy. “Alright, first things first. The Joker threatened to kill our beloved mayor, so for the funeral, I think it’s best to have it in a location with an obscene amount of windows.”

Gordon was confused. “What about sharpshooters?”

“Please,” Stacy told the Lieutenant. “We’re doing our job.”

“No you’re not doing your job,” said Gordon. “Here in the Batman movies, we get to the bottom of the matter. Like detectives. As in our moniker Detective Comics. We’re not here to let people off with a warning in order to set good examples for children.”

“Disney bought us for four billion dollars, Jim.”

“I rest my case.” 

Captain Stacy smirked at that, and realized he had to turn up the heat. “Yes, clearly from watching the Nolan movies, the Alan Moore atrocities, and Superman Returns…that entertaining kids is not your thing.”

“Hey kids!” smiled Gordon, “Cops are dorky comical goofballs! Spider-Man operates in a city run by the Keystone cops!”

“Uh, yeah?” Stacy replied. “You saying that’s not a phat plot device? Spiderman essentially having to do everything by himself?”

“Our characters,” Gordon told him,”are supposed to be how the audience watches our films. They see my face and they know that while I’m not scared, that there’s still alot of terror and panic to confront head-on. That’s how you watch Dark Knight. How in the **** are we supposed to watch Spider-Man 3?” 

Captain Stacy couldn’t believe this. He thought it was clear why Spider-Man 3 was enjoyable. The question of how to watch it seemed crazy. “You’re supposed to be compelled by the formation of Sandman and the four seconds that we see the Venom mask!”

There. That ought to shut Gordon up.

Or so Stacy thought…

“Hey kids, look at me!” Gordon gaffawed, “My daughter’s about to fall from a building! Great time for comic relief and memorization of a new character! Boy do I know how to build the tension!”

Stacy smirked. “I heard you only got three million dollars for Dark Knight.”

Gordon thought that hit a bit below the belt. But he immediately took solace in the fact that he was Gary Oldman. “Official policy is to ignore complete and total liabilities to the Spider-Man franchise,” he told Stacy.

But Captain Stacy wouldn’t relent. “Well I’m just saying because…they made a little teensy bit more than 3,000,000 dollars at the box office. I’m just saying I’m just saying…”

“I’m just saying Arnold Flass was a Green Beret and I floored him is all I’m saying all I’m saying,” Gordon replied.

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