I didn’t know what to say to her to make it right, but I knew I had to say something. “Look emily, I didn’t mean to kiss her. It just…sort of happened. I know how that sounds, but I’m really sorry.” Emily said nothing on the trip home. what had I done?

  I don’t know why I did it, because our relationship was the best i’d ever experienced. We never usually fought so this was all new and I was worried I’d lost her. “Aren’t you going to say anything?’

  Emily just kept on driving, her expression emotionless. I took that as a sign of anger and decided to say nothing else. It would give her a chance to perhaps calm down, and allow her to compose her thoughts.

  We lived with her parents as we were in the process of looking to buy a property. Jan and David would be so disappointed in me but i’m sure they’d understand it was a mistake. I assumed Emily would tell them, since she took it so much to heart.

  We arrived at their place under a cloud of dark clouds. A slight drizzle met us as we made our way towards her  parents door. Emily turned and faced me, her expression altered somewhat. “You risked everything because your an idiot. So you choose now. Your friends or me?”

  I breathed a sigh of relief deep within. I mean it. I really didn’t like my friends much. I guess i’d outgrown them and so I felt relieved inside, but I didn’t want to show the wrong emotion here. I knew I had to play it right.

  “You mean the world to me and as much as I love my friends, I don’t think anyone defines me better then you. I’m the best version of myself, with you. It won’t be easy but there is just no way I can lose you.”

  Emily smiled briefly, ‘Yeah well, you’ve a warning here mr. Next time there will be no one else to blame. Now come on.”

  Her parents opened the door and we were greeted with warm words and even warmer hugs. I felt sure that this moment, would last forever. How wrong I was…

  Three years later I found myself drunk and alone and Emily missing. I must have played our last moments in my head over 1,000,000 times. Could I have done more? Could I have stopped this happening?

  I had lost my job as a writer for the daily moon – a quirky take on the sun with the slogan, ‘Do you moon?’

  I knew she was gone but I spent most of my days wandering the lonely city. The location doesn’t matter, nothing really matters in the company of strangers. Not when what defines you – is lost. No when what defines you could be alive or dead.

  I knew I was killing myself, I knew the flash backs I had and the blackouts were distorting me and molding me into someone I don’t recognize but if there is nothing to stop you when you are falling – all you can really do is wait for the ground.