DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE

We hold these truths to be self-evident:

     That all boys are created equal; that they are endowed by god with certain unalienable rights; that among these are; making sand castles, playing in mud, having water gun fights, and building sexist clubhouses; that in order to uphold these rights, all babysitters should be voted on by the boys, and if said babysitter is not up to the quality they should be, then it is the right of the boy to abolish it, and to institute new government, one with more candy and less bedtimes. Clubhouse rules, of course, will dictate that this new government will stand the test of time, never to be put aside, even if a girl moves into the neighborhood. But when those in charge; the parents, grandparents, and foster parents; when they do not uphold these rights, then it is the duty of the boy to overthrow said parents, and live free under his own security. Such has been the patient suffering of this young boy, and now is the time to rid him of such tyranny. The story of the current rulers, the parents, is a sad story of a dull and dreary life, all being the cause of poor leadership on behalf the parental units. To prove this, let these facts be put forth.

They have written unfair laws such as:

No jumping on the bed.

No eating cookies before dinner.

No playing in the mud after the rain.

No playing in the mud before the rain.

No fighting.

No yelling.

No staying up late.

No watching tv before homework.

Any combined misuse of the above rules.

They have decided for us that playing in sand is not the best use of our time and therefore banned it.

They dissolved friendships based on poorly judged role model material.

They have barred the use of water guns based on the fact that the word gun is in the name.

They have associated with evildoers such as:

     Teachers

     Principals

     Neighborhood cat lady

     Mr. Frederickson (that mean guy whose dog always barks at us when walking home from school.)

     Sunday school teachers

     Babysitters

They make us go to church

They make us apologize when we put stuff in the hat of the lady in front of us at church

They comb our hair

They hire evil babysitters, giving them absolute power (which they abuse)

They make us allow girls in the clubhouse

They make us apologize when we put snakes in said girl’s hair

They cheat us on our allowances

In every stage of these oppressions we have petitioned for redress in the most humble terms; our repeated petitions have been answered only by repeated spankings and timeouts.

We, therefore, the boys of Westgold Meadows, appealing to the Head of the neighborhood Watch, for the allowance of our intentions, do, in the name and by the authority of the good boys of this neighborhood, firmly announce and declare, That these boys are, and of right ought to be, FREE AND INDEPENDENT MEN; that they are absolved from all control by the parents and that all official connections between them and the families they come from be totally severed; and that, as free and independent men, they have full power to quarrel, reckon peace, make friends, trade freely, and do all other acts and things which independent men have the right to do. And for the support of this declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our lives, our fortunes, and our sacred honor.

Little Mikey

President of the GAG(Girls Are Gross