Dear Diary,

I was having a good day until I ran into Rosie O’Donnell this morning. As a matter of fact, she ran into me, that big blob! Fortunately, my hair was untouched.

So, there she was, a doughnut in her mouth, a cup of coffee in one hand and her shopping bags in the other. Her hair was a mess and she did not even have any make-up on. What a slob, that woman! She scares the heck out of me.

When I wrote “THINK BIG AND KICK ASS”, I honestly was not referring to Rosie. Yet when I saw her walking away, my book flashed across my eyes. Was there some divine meaning to all these? Just then another thought flashed across my brilliant mind: THINK REALLY BIG AND KICK THE REALLY BIG ASS, with Rosie’s picture on the book.

I absolutely cannot stand that woman. She had the gall to criticize me in public, she talks loudly, uses foul language, dresses poorly, and on and on. The spookiest thing was how she looked at me this morning. Her eyes were big and wide and trying to penetrate mine – almost like she liked me. Good lord!

Fortunately, there was my sweet, gorgeous Melania when I got home. Melania must be an angel disguised as a woman to make me happy. You would never find Melania with a doughnut stuck in her mouth. Best of all, her hair is never out of place and she agrees with everything I say. And most of all, she is so gorgeous. You know every man in New York wishes he were me.

I don’t have to worry about Rosie anymore. She did not say a word to me today but just walked off quickly. Actually, more like waddled off quickly.  I think she knew how much ass I can kick when someone pissed me off.

Time to finish up my deal and then some quality time with Melania. Ah, Melania.

* No truth to any part of this article.

Image via Wikipedia