The first time I drank was at a party at my house when I was 15. I wasn’t that into alcohol then, and I’m still not. But it did enhance my curiosity about drugs in general. I smoked weed for the first time at 16, and started smoking by myself every night just as something to do. I also smoked before school sometimes, and a few times I left class to sit in my car and smoke because I felt like I had to. At this time I also started shoplifting, and later got arrested with a few of my friends at the local mall, like an idiot.

It was the beginning of my junior year that I found the drug for me- vicodin. I had broken bones by this point, so there was always some type of painkiller around. I only did vicodin during school hours, because I found it painful to sit through class. As time went on I used more and more. The thing about me doing drugs and doing stupid things was that it never made sense in my life. I was a National Merit Scholar, in varsity sports, in tons of clubs, had friends, had a supportive family, had everything, and still needed to be high.

By the time I graduated high school I done xanax, clonezepam, ecstasy, shrooms, vicodin, percodan, weed, adderall etc, etc, lots of random pills.I even found brothers in Mexico who agreed to ship me a box of painkillers in return for pesos. Why that seemed like an reasonable idea to me I don’t know. But this dichotomy is about me that I don’t understand. Senior year of high school started, and after the first day of school I knew I had to get more pills; there was no way I could sit through class not high.

I had exhausted my usual supplies, so I started taking painkillers from my dad, who had recently undergone excruciating surgery. The fact that I was okay with doing this makes me sad. Also sad is the fact that I could see it happening again. Anyway, senior spring I decided to try to clean up my act, actually my friends decided this for me, and I threw out the pills and talked to the school psychologist. It wasn’t helpful, but it did demystify therapy and mental health professionals, which was good. That summer I smoked some weed here and there, but not much more. Come fall I went to college, a fairly prestigious one at that.