The memories rushed in dauntingly, piercing straight through her heart like a knife, shaking up her insides, leaving her breathless. It was like a splash of cold water on a winter morning. She was aroused from a peaceful slumber, and she knew very well that she should not have been awakened. The memories were so powerful and they filled her with guilt so deep, she wanted to kill herself. She could smell his musky cologne on the pillow. She could feel his body’s warmth beside her, his chest rising and falling at regular intervals as he breathed. She felt his strong arms around her in those balmy summer nights; when he held her and wouldn’t let her go at any cost. She missed those times when he would just cuddle up to her for no reason, except to annoy her. She would sweep him away with a ‘tsk’ but he carried on with his tantrums. Ah, she really missed that. And somehow all his love on her was becoming a heavy burden on her shoulders. Or maybe it was getting into her nerves and she wanted to buzz it off like a bee. Probably not, since now her candid face was reddening with guilt and sorrowful tears welled up in those eyes. Those were the eyes that missed him; yearned to see him smiling. And yet, his very past-existence was like a heavy weight on her shoulder and she felt responsible to carry it throughout her life. She felt as though his love should have been enough for her to live with for the rest of her life. But it wasn’t. Truth be told, he had kept her very happy. She could still have had a happy ending had he been alive. She had been living in her own imagination after his death for way too long now and she knew that. On the other hand, the new love in her life was like a drug. She wanted to get rid of it but couldn’t. She wanted to, but she wasn’t sure if it was right. She thought of herself to be the most ungrateful person in the whole world since she couldn’t return any of their love. The two men in her lives who had promised to keep her happy forever. It was a moot point and she knew it. She knew she couldn’t leave everything like this. She knew she had to take up one side or the other. Unfortunately, she also knew that she couldn’t come up with a proper decision for that. True, forgiveness was divine, but it wasn’t easy to forgive oneself for a mistake.