Today a tragedy has struck all of the lives of those who knew and learned to love Albus Dumbledore, headmaster of Hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry. Reports have come from inside the castle walls, that suggest that Professor Severus Snape has allegedly touched the headmaster in an inconvenient way. The debate due to whether Dumbledore had asked for such a treatment from the professor of potions is still raging in the wizard court. When this ‘incident’ had occurred, evidence has proven that Dumbledore was sitting in his chair in such a way that it was possible for the potions master to lightly spank him and stroke his massively long, white, hairy……………….. beard.

Dumbledore himself made this statement in court, ‘I am disgusted by the event that has occurred ever so recently in my life, i demand compensation and immediate circumcision of professor Severus Snape’ However recent CCTV footage show that during the trial Dumbledore was stroking Snapes leg: backing up this evidence reports that were filed show that Albus Dumbledore is indeed a homosexual.

Defending Severus Snape in court was Draco Malfoy, but due to him being such a cunt, he was swiftly removed from the trial.

On Dumbledores side, the defendant was no less than the famous wizard Harry Potter, who stormed out early during the trial due to jokes about his parents, yes they are dead.

The trail still blazes on, and sentences are yet to be stated, Will Snape be convicted? Will Dumbledore admit to dark secrets of the matter, and for the love of god will Voldemort fix is fucking nose?!

Reported by Neville Longbottom