A short story I wrote in my spare time I just need some feed back on it. Its about two cousins who get in over their heads when they try to deliver a package.
Eden
“I can’t believe that technology has advanced so drastically,” says a young African-American man dressed in an all-black suit with a red dress shirt and black dress shoes as he stares out his window. The young man stands at five foot nine inches tall with a slender frame and a short even haircut and all-black eye glasses and medium sized shiny earrings. There are flying cars, holographic billboards, and personal robots for anybody and everybody. (Flying car zooms past the young man’s window) “This is truly unbelievable and all in my life time this is simply amazing. The funny thing is that I had a hand in creating this future. I was just normal kid who was just trying to make an honest living as a private courier.” (As he reminisces and stares at the aerial traffic jam a knock comes upon his door)
“Who is it,” asks the young man
“It’s me cousin Kaelin!” replies the excited youth on the other side of the door.
“Oh what’s up Elijah. My bad I forgot the door was locked,” replies Kaelin as he calmly strolls across the room and unlocks the door.
“Thank you big cousin,” says Elijah with a bright smile. “Umm what are you doing in here all alone?”
“Oh I’m just thinking to myself,” replies Kaelin.
“About what? Is it something cool and amazing?” asks Elijah with excitement building in his eyes.
“Actually yes it is, and it’s about me and your uncle too. You feel like story time?” asks Kaelin.
“Yay story time story time!” Yells Elijah while jumping up and down
“Ok ok settle down fat boy,” says Kaelin shocked by Elijah’s reaction. “You see it was four years ago…(flash back starts)
Ring…ring…ring…
“Lightning Fast Deliveries, if someone delivers faster then we’re not lightning fast, Kaelin speaking,” says Kaelin standing in black shorts and a red hoody as he prepared to close shop.
“My name is Thomas Johnson I’m the CEO of Cyborg Inc. and I need to have a package delivered,” said Johnson.
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