”The Emperor Penguins travels between 31 and 75 miles every mating season during the harsh Antarctic winter in order to lay there eggs’ ‘Cousin Albert parroted the Discovery Channel for hours on end if you’d let him.

”They can also dive up to 869 feet under water for up to 18 minutes”

”Tough little bastards”I said.

”I guess penguins never have to worry about staying in shape” I paused for a minute after Albert said this to try and absorb what he was trying to say.

”What” I said.

”I’m just saying with all that walking and swimming and such you probably never have to worry about seeing a penguin in a gym or nothing it’s like life is there gym”

”I reckon you’re right about that Albert you never have to worry about seeing a penguin at the gym” Not that you’ve ever been in a real in a real gym either ya dumb redneck but I chose to keep that last part to myself for the sake of domestic harmony. Albert got up from his chair and walked out the front door for a reason all his own but on the way out the door he kicked and tripped up on what could have easily been hundreds of cans of Budweiser and a few cans of Budweiser ice from back in the 90’s and on his way out the door he gazed with a mixture of affection and longing at an honest to god bottle of fuckin moonshine sitting on the living room table with all the menace of a heavyweight prizefighter or anything else that seemed created for the sole purpose of knocking you on your ass. If it seems like I’m being hard on Albert the only excuse I have is that familiarity breeds contempt for starts we’re family and we live together in a dinky little trailer which would be enough to drive most people insane but we also have the burden of being the only two people around for about three and a half miles you see after a misunderstanding a few years back we were kicked out of the trailer park but I managed to charm the trailer park supervisor into letting us back in on the condition that we use the part of the park no one else uses. No one really knows why this part of the park was abandoned theory’s range from ghosts to secret nuclear testing done by the government well I can tell you I have never seen any ghosts and if I ever get cancer I’ll probably sue the tobacco companies before I sue the government. The isolation turned out to be a brilliant career move because shortly after we moved here Albert and I became business partners in the exciting world of illegal fireworks aside from the money our job allows us to meet new and interesting people like bootleggers who will sell you a bathtub full of gin for twelve dollars. Albert had been outside for a long time and I decided to go outside to make sure he wasn’t having a bad reaction to the anti-freeze in the gin (some people just can’t stomach anti-freeze) Albert was standing outside staring blankly at the sky he seemed like he was expecting something. The skies above Albert swirled gray and cold contemplating future acts of violence. It occurs to me that I should explain something about trailer park life when you live in a trailer park tornados are a very real part of your life which is why most trailer parks that are at risk for tornados will have some sort of communal cellar or shelter which our trailer park does unfortunately we are three miles away from it right now.