Things aren’t always as They Seem

I figured out last year, that things aren’t always as they seem. 

I saw him in the in the hallway.  It was only for a minute.  We talked about nothing.  He gave me a piece of Stride gum. It’s weird how I remember that little detail.  It seemed like a normal day.  But it wasn’t.  It was far from normal.  That’s the last conversation I ever had with him.  And it was about nothing.   It feels like it was yesterday.  That night, he went home and killed himself.  I found out the next day.  I couldn’t believe it.  I’d just talked to him 12 hours ago — he seemed fine.  The news stunned me – it kinda turned my world upside down.   I thought that if someone looked and seemed ok, that they were ok… but you’re not okay if you do that to yourself. 

I’d known him for a long time.  We played football together and grew up in the same circle of friends.  He was a super nice guy — really outgoing.  He had a great brother and his parents were really nice – his dad had been our football coach once.  He didn’t seem like the kinda guy that let things get to him.  But like I said, things aren’t always like they seem.  I think that’s why I’m haunted – it shook me up pretty bad.  I thought he was okay, but he wasn’t.  He was so NOT okay that he killed himself. Now, I always wonder.  I look for every little detail to make sure I don’t lose one of my friends again.  When I ask someone how they’re doing and they say “fine” I always second guess them. I don’t wanna have this happen again.  I always ask myself, what if?  What if I would have said something to change his mind?  What if he wouldn’t have used a gun to commit suicide?  What if he was still here today?   I wish I could see him one more time, I wish he would have not pulled the trigger, and most of all I wish that he was still here. 

 R.I.P. October, 26, 2009

 Brady Gleason.  I miss you and will forever.  You changed my view of the world.