…I thought it was love. I really did. I didn’t know about the past. I did not know because he never shared that with me. That should have been a sign. I was too busy playing house to realize that it should have mattered. I just wanted him to be my world. I never knew that she was still in it. Here I was, this country girl, falling for a city boy. It happened often here. I guess I just took the bait. I thought he loved me, but I was so wrong. Somewhere in the back of his mind was a locked door. I didn’t care about any of that because I had all of his attention. I was the star in his dark sky, or so I thought.

It started out slowly. First he left his chosen profession for a life of labor. I did not understand why. I was just concerned about having someone there to take care of me. Why would someone leave a job like that. The money was great. I married a professional not a laborer. I toughed it out though. I was sure that I could handle it. But the constant out of town trips and being home alone wore me down. My mother suggested that I just get out and go have fun. I sure didn’t expect to meet anyone…but I did. My mother did not seem the least bit surprised and even encouraged it. He filled the void that had always been there from day one. A void that I really never knew existed. He made me feel things that my own husband did not share with me. The look on his face when we were entwined. I was so used to the far away stares that my husband seemed to have every time we were in close proximity. I had given up on the hope that he would ever look at me with loving eyes. I look back now and see that he and I were never close, not really. I didn’t know him and I think he liked it that way. It gave him the excuse to always be distant.

I don’t even know how we became a couple. I looked back and tried to think of all the things that we had in common. I couldn’t seem to find a solid one. I can’t say that were were ever friends. I just knew that he was someone with a great job and he paid attention to me. I felt in my gut now that it was almost something of pity. Pity for myself, pity for a man looking to fill a void… Maybe it just a comfort thing. He was the someone who was there. I looked back and remembered emptiness. How was I so selfish. I robbed him of what little bit of happiness he had. I tried to make it work, but lost myself in loneliness. I would still be married, maybe, if I had seen the signs sooner. My goodness, what had I done? How stupid was I to have done something so callus. Had I been smart, I would have become his friend first. I didn’t though. Maybe if I was his friend, he wouldn’t have been so unhappy. I know he just settled out of emptiness. I settled for greed. It was too much for me to handle alone, so I did something about it. I didn’t know who the blame was on, but I did not want to think about that.

He served me the papers. I was served at work. He never once let on that he knew. He just went about his day like nothing was wrong.