I don’t know how I’m go’ in to make it anymore. This is just too painful. I wish I was dead. How could this happen? A man losing his family. They’re my kids too. Okay, so me and the Monster didn’t work through our marriage vows. She’s still alive. Why does she get the kids? How can she be allowed to take them out of state?

A blank computer screen stares back. I take my middle finger and push the on button. In seconds there’s light and music. Something else in the room is alive and I’m glad.

I need help. Can the internet help me? I bring all my other problems to it. It’s kind of like God that way. Maybe I can find some answers out there for this.

I’ll type: Desperate Dad who lost his kids and see what happens.

Colors change like the blooming of a flower. Electricity flows lifelike, producing mind seeds, places for brain travel, links.

Suicide prevention for Dads. No. Lost Kid’s Recovery. No. Fathers for Kids. I’ll try that one.

Let’s use Bill for my alias. Kill Bill if this doesn’t work.

Hello anyone there?

Jason types back: Hi Bill, you new here?

First time.

What brings you?

My divorce just became final and the ex has taken our kids out-of-state. I’m in a lot of pain.

This is the place of pain. You came to the right group. Been to other chat rooms. I’ve found a kind of home here.

How long have you not had your kids on a daily basis?

Five years.

Sounds like a prison sentence.

It feels worse. It does get better with time. You just got to hang in there. I felt it might be easier to just end it. But, that would make your kids’ lives even worse. They have been through enough.

I really don’t know if I can live through this. I can’t work at work. I don’t sleep much. I’ve lost thirty pounds. I’m constantly depressed and in pain. I can’t believe they let this happen in America. I always played by the rules. I feel like the government has come in and taken everything from me and now I have to pay for it too!

I know. The women are the ones who usually want the divorce. Then they almost always get the kids. The courts can’t keep people together who don’t want to be, but they can decide money issues.

Why is that?

In the eyes of the court you had the kids; you have to pay for them. They don’t want society to have to pay for them.

But the courts let my ex take them out of state. I never even see them and I have to pay for that?

Never?

I have joint custody. But, I only can see them on holidays and some weeks during the summer. That isn’t enough.

There’s the internet and cell phones.

I could video conference. But, I can’t hold them.

Our group is starting a legal division to establish more rights for fathers. Are you interested? Would you like to contribute?

I’m in too much pain now. And if something did change it might take a generation or more and my kids would be grown up by then.

Sorry man. We’ve all been there. You can come and spill it whenever. OMG this sucks.

Thanks I’ll come back.

Please do. Randy had only been here a few months before he killed himself. I don’t want that for you. Don’t be a loser.

I am a loser, but I’ll be back. I wish the Terminator would get my kids and bring them back to me. Any ideas on what chat room he’s in so I can set it up?