Your girlfriend brought serenity into your life, and maybe that was a saving grace–maybe.

During the four years you shared with her, she had seen to it that your modest suburban home was clean, tastefully decorated, a pleasure to return to even from a fabulous vacation. She had never shown the slightest inclination to pursue a career that some day might threaten to become more important than her relationship with you, but was instead content to maintain your home and to volunteer part-time at a food pantry in the city. She had never brought up the possibility of marriage, which, though puzzling, suited you just fine; you were still young enough to enjoy your success as a graphic artist, not so old and desperate that you ever worried about spending the rest of your life alone. Although the arrangement was satisfying, you couldn’t help but wonder now and then why she never brought up the M word. It seemed unnatural, somehow, and you’d wonder whether she was harboring some dark secret; maybe she had been married and never divorced, and to clean the slate now would mean to dredge up a past that was best left buried. Whatever the case, you sometimes found yourself eying her suspiciously, but all you would see was the beautiful dark-eyed girl you’d literally bumped into while walking down a crowded downtown street five years ago.

Though sometimes uneasy, you felt blessed to have her, the perfect partner for you now.

The baby was a surprise, to say the least. Like marriage, you had never discussed the possibility of children with her. So when, one morning, she broke the news to you, all you could do was absently eat your breakfast and stare at some point just past her face. You felt a groundless dread. You were too stunned to utter a word.

“Well?” she finally said, sitting across the kitchen table, which was small and stylish.

“Well,” you said dully, and puffed out your cheeks, as if buying some time to formulate a response. When you finally looked her in the eye, you didn’t see hope or joy or disappointment at your hesitancy. She remained dead-pan, which made the moment the more confusing.

“What are we talking about here?” you asked at last. “Are we talking maybe, or is it a done deal?”

She broke out laughing, then, the delightful gurgling laugh that you’d come to love but soon would start to distrust.