Briefly describe your experience which has made you an expert in this particular field or a directly-related field.

I looked at the question with a mixture of resignation and silly enthusiasm.

“Hmm…well, IF I was such an “expert” in this field then I wouldn’t have gotten laid off, would I? But since you are just a stupid computer-generated questionnaire, I will tell you.”

It was as if USAJobs.com had become that hot chick from high school that never gave you the time of day but had suddenly accepted your pathetic invitation to prom. I wanted to impress her, but I knew she was just toying with my emotions. Heck, in two weeks, she’d be off with the quarterback and she’d barely remember my name. Still, it was my date, and she had asked.

I knew it was naïve of me to think that, of the 2500 resumes submitted for this job, mine might be one of the three that would get nabbed for an interview, but the thought caused me a moment’s hesitation…but just a moment’s. I seized the keyboard and gritted my teeth. She would get an earful.

“Daddy?”

“Yeah, bud?”

“Why do you look like you gotta go potty?”

I glanced at myself in the monitor. Pathetic. I gave my little bud a “get outta here” look and gripped the keyboard again.

“Daddy?”

“Yeah, bud?” A little bit more annoyed.

“Are you gonna be here every day?”

My reflection in the monitor changed ever so slightly and I gritted my teeth yet again.

“No, bud. Not every day.”

The hot chick would get a civil answer. Maybe, just maybe, mine would be one of the three.