What is the worst enemy of a woman?? What is a woman best friend?? Who sits beside her when her favorite character in her favorite soap gets shot for the fifth time this season?? Who is always there when she finds out that her latest crush is dating that girl who always sits in the corner, and she must prove that she’s hotter?? Who mocks her daily with its inaudible appeals??

Who?? Ice cream and designer jeans.

Ice cream was introduced to designer jeans and Jasmine was introduced to a pickle jar full of problems. Consulting her best friend, she learned of a multitude of diets with completely contrasting strategies that promised miracles.

The first type of diet that she tried, in vein, was the Adkins Diet. Her friend had witnessed its effectiveness on family members and boasted its notoriety in health magazines. Jasmine figured that it would be an easy way out of her dilemma. With a fresh carton of eggs and a long (very very very long) list of the dos and don’ts of Adkins, she proudly set out on her mission. Surprisingly it did not take long for her to realize that the cooking skills unattained by her mother were hereditary, and that ice cream sounded like ecstasy.

That diet gone, she tried another.

Fruit and vegetables! Who ever thought of this one was a genius! Fruit is sweet enough to satisfy an unquenchable sweet tooth, and the vegetables should make her mother happy. The only down fall to this perfect and innovative diet was the price of blueberries in January, but that could be overcome by buying only apples and caned corn. Needless to say, there was a Dairy Queen on her drive home from work and it doesn’t matter how sweet a strawberry thinks it is, ice cream will always reign.

The following night was rated for mature readers only: A pint of moose track trail ice cream topped with chocolate fudge. A whole can of whipped cream with Twizzlers intertwined in the dessert, and the movie Lake House.

Due to the sins of the following night, Jasmine decided it was time to pay her penance. She was never going to eat ever again!

The third diet attempt was the most daunting, yet deserving. The infamous Starvation Diet. The first day was smooth sailing, though that might be due to the sugar crash and sour stomach from the night before, but the second day was mind boggling torture. By the third day every inanimate object was a piece of candy sneering at her weakness. She was beginning to doubt her determination, and she was thinking twice about never ever eating again.

The fourth day rolled around and she crawled pitifully up to the scale. She had finally done it. She had lost five pounds. With a burst of unequated energy she ran to her room and tried on her new designer jeans. They fit perfectly; smilingly smuggling to herself she called up her friend to see if she wanted to celebrate at Cold Stone Creamery.