FROM THE COMFORT OF MY BED

From the comfort of my bed in the arms of the man I loved, I had allowed my thoughts, problems and all that plagued my mind to wander, I allowed myself to enjoy the sheer feeling of tranquility that seemed to have engulfed my whole body, I felt free, lethargic and yet alive all at the same time, it was sheer bliss. We had decided to escape the demanding atmosphere of work and enjoy a little together time in our favourite place…bed. In the comfort of our bed we had explored each others bodies and reveled in the joy of just being together.

That had been before I saw the book that ruined my moment and shattered my peaceful state; I had made the mistake of appeasing my curiosity and flicking through the pages.

How foolish he was to lie so blatantly and think that I would not notice I always knew when he twisted the truth or kept something from me, I thought angrily. Oh but how I loved him, but I had to know…had to know the truth to understand how he could just lie to me and so easily. The pages of his notebook flickered in the wind of my open bedroom window, the black ink smudged on the white pages made the words more bold and visible to the blind eye, those terrible bold words determined if we would…could stay together after the truth was revealed. His voice echoed in the hollows of the bathroom as he called me to join him. Breathing deeply knowing that I was preparing for the ensuring war I walked towards the white painted door that would lead me towards the hang man’s noose. Who was he I asked myself as I pushed the silver handle of the bathroom door, I thought I knew the man I love but the arguments over trivial things like a mess in the kitchen slowly altered the persona I had linked him to and then the discovery clarified what had made him the monster I so clearly knew he had turned into. Yes he had tried to rectify his mistakes by pacifying me with expensive gifts and keeping me in bed the whole day, he knew my weakness was getting me into the comforts of the sheets where the secrets of our love was revealed but still concealed within the quite stands of the wooden four posts of the bed, he knew that these small things he did made me feel beautiful and loved, but the truth of the matter was it was all a lie, a damn dirty lie!!! I dropped the gown that covered my nudity and joined him in the shower; oh how weak creatures we are when the baser instincts override common sense and push the thought processes of war aside. Weakened by my lust and the sight of his masculine, delicious body, his beautiful body made of muscles and sinew almost god-like in its unnatural beauty…,in a haze of steam from the shower muscle bound arms appeared and reached out to me, pulling my weak and pliant body towards his gorgeous manliness disturbing my thoughts of lust. For a moment I was lost, I was a red hot blooded woman after all. I inhaled his muscular scent embellishing in the warmth of just being held, just being loved, but in my head I knew I had to break this cosy lie and prepare myself for the impending fight that was sure to ensure when I confronted him, this was what Eve must have felt like when she was tempted into eating the forbidden fruit knowing the consequences. Determining what to say I reluctantly released his delightful arms around my waist and pushed myself against the cold wall so I could stare point blankly at him, I needed to see his reaction then I would know the truth.  I felt the growing tension that had seemed to develop between us of late a tension that made us both feel uncomfortable to be in the same room for long periods of time thus the need to be always apart.  His dark eyes scanned my face curiously I noticed he saw the glassy look in my eyes and in that instant of surveying each other I finally realized he knew. The devil had prepared himself for this confrontation, he had always known. I had always been terrible at masking my emotions and he had clearly been the master. I felt the indignation in his heart as he turned to turn the tap off and reach out for the towel, no words passed between us as we quickly strove to hide our nakedness as Adam and Eve had done in the wreath of God, it was a way of hiding ourselves almost in shame from each other, how had things changed in such a little space of time? We walked into our spacious brightly decorated master bedroom. I looked at the bed proudly I had chosen the beautiful mahogany angel carved head board, “so the angels can watch over you” I had whispered lovingly in my husband’s ears as he had slept, but now that memory felt like it had been a decade ago, wholly to all the joy that can so easily be snuffed out by a single lie…or was it many lies?