Dear Internet Romance,

So I am going to be totally honest with you. I know that what I am about to say is selfish and not what you are looking to hear from me. I guess I have to write it cause I tried to tell myself that I would say this to you and it just comes out so wrong, or like the last time we talked not at all.

I know you are on your road trip and running away from normal. I don’t know everything about why this was your choice. I would like to I am hoping that someday I will. Not that I am the best listener (after all I am e-mailing this to you becuase I am scared out of my mind. I don’t know why I consistantly do this to myself. I am so stubborn and once I find something that I want, or think I want I find it so hard to let go. I picture myself like a little kid who catches a butterfly and gets all ectixed and runs with it in the palm of her hand so excited to have a beautiful thing that she doesn’t realize that it’s crushed. I wanted things to work out so badly and I got so excited that nothing else seems to matter.

Well we hit a bump. When you told me that you were down at work all I wanted to do was make it better. So there I went running blindly with ideals in mind and no direction (or forethought-which by the way you are the master of). So I spent days sending you jokes. In my defense I was trying to help and it felt helpless you were so far away and I really don’t know you well enough to try to offer the support I wished I could give you. So I ended up showing you that I can obsess… GREAT MOVE (hindsight is so wonderful). So understandabley you deceided that it was not right for us to meet before you left. Good for you, Sucked for me. You did that twice. Still there I was in the wild flowers with my butterfly… smeared in my hand and me still excited to have caught such a wonderful gift (such a lovely crushed thing)…

BIG SIGH

With no idea how to react I waited a few days and then asked you not to call me as much. I remeber you sayin gthat you would cry about this, I told you that I would cal you the next day and tell you that I didn’t mean it, (but I just wanted you to show me that you weren’t pushing me away for good, I was going to wait for you to call, MAN I SUCK). Its amazing that I thought that would help. I just I knew at that point that this (between us) was a poor choice. Maybe imaturity? poor timing? Bad Luck… probably all of the above.