My boys broke through my thoughts as my mind drifted. “Are we going to keep him, Mom?” Their inquisitiveness sounded like rehearsed unison the way that they both asked at once.

“We aren’t going to keep him but we are going to take care of him until he’s big enough to care for himself. I’d give him back to his poor mama but I have to be sure an infection doesn’t set in and take his stitches out when they are ready. By the time we are done, mama will be long gone.”

By this time my Mom was stroking him and remarking on how beautiful he was. “Let’s bring him in to show your Dad. He’d love to see him. I don’t know if he’ll realize he’s there but let’s show him anyhow.”

Remembering how head over heels in love he was with the orphan fawn I cared for two years ago, I knew we had to show Dad. He may not react at all but I just had to show him this beautiful treasure of nature anyhow.

“Jim, Janet has something to show you.” Mom was trying to coax Dad into paying attention to what was to come but she only conjured up the same blank stare we’d all been getting for several days now. It was as if his life was slowly draining from him but we were helpless to fix it. We knew the end was near.

I held the fawn up to show him. Nothing happened.

“Jim, look. Janet has a fawn!” Mom excitedly shared with him.

Dad’s eyes shifted slowly as if he were having trouble waking from a deep sleep. Then he spotted the fawn. His face gained color. His eyes got big and round. His gaze was fixed strongly on that tiny little life.

“Set him down on the bed!” Mom was so excited and it was then I realized that life had been slowly draining from her as well while she sat helplessly over Dad these last few months.

I gently laid the fawn down next to Dad. Mom sat down, positioning the tiny fawn between the two of them. Then a miracle happened for all of us. Dad smiled! A big, open mouthed grin of child-like excitement. He was trying to move but his body was not cooperating. Mom knew instantly what to do. She grasped his hand in hers and helped him stroke the soft fur of the newborn fawn.

I kept praying the fawn would remain still and allow my parents this moment in time but looking back, I think God had it already planned out that way. The fawn remained relaxed and tranquil as if he were made to be there, made just for this one moment.

It was the last time any of us saw life in Dad’s eyes. The last time he smiled. I gave the fawn Dad’s middle name, Bernard. Bernard was full of life and healed beautifully. He was running and playing, enjoying the company of our dairy goats; one of which provided his meals of fresh milk.

It was not long afterwards that the angels of heaven came for Dad. His ashes are buried in our family memorial garden but when I was with Bernard, I knew Dad was there with us.

Within a matter of days after Dad passed away, Bernard also mysteriously died. I found him curled up in his straw nest looking peaceful and content but he was gone. He, too, was buried here at home.

At first I was hurt and angry with God for taking Bernard away from me. Bernard gave me a reason to smile everyday even though my heart was breaking apart inside. I didn’t want to imprint too heavily on this wild creature but I was so drawn to him. Bernard insisted on climbing into my lap whenever I was near, usually softly nibbling on my ear while I stroked his soft fur and thought of Dad. Once I put aside my anger I realized that Bernard was never mine. He was God’s. He had fulfilled God’s request of him and then the angels came for him as well.

I see my Dad’s smile and that last moment my parents shared with Bernard every spring when I invariably spot a newborn fawn.

It’s funny how things work out.