A collection of funny jokes heard at the pub.
Mike and Lisa are fucking in bed. The sheets go move up and down.
Lisa screams: “Yes, yes I am coming.”
After the sex, they both come from under the sheets.
Lisa asked: “And how are we going to call the baby?”
Mike showed her the condom and said: “If he got out of this, we will call him Mc Gyver.”
Angel and Mark went to the doctor’s office with her daughter who has red hair.
Angel : “Can I ask you a question?”
Doctor : “Yes, my beauty.”
Angel : “Me and my husband have black hair and our daughter has red hair, is that possible?”
Doctor: “How many times do you have sex, every day?”
Mark: “No”
Doctor: “Every week?”
Mark: “No”
Doctor: “Every month?
Mark: “No”
Doctor: “Every semester?”
Mark: “Yes”
Doctor:” That’s the problem, it’s rust.”
Bert, an old man of nearly 90 goes to a hooker. He takes of his pants.
Hooker: “What are you doing here? Your Ssexual lust, should be over, no?”
Bert: “What are you saying?”
Hooker: “It should be done.”
Bert: “What are you saying?”
Hooker: “At your age, it should be done.”
Bert: “Is it done, how much do I own you?”
Two beautiful girls are taking a sunbath at the beach.
Kenza: “Yesterday, I met a young man.”
Darla: “Tell me all about it.”
Kenza: “He was only 18 and he never had sex before.”
Darla: “Oh what exciting, could you give me his number?”
Kenza: “No problem but I am warning you, since I met him, he has done already 33 times.”
A man and a woman who met at the pub, are having sex for the first times. After the act, they are having a conversation.
Man: “Can I ask you something?”
Woman: “Yes.”
Man: “I think you are a nurse.”
Woman: “That’s right, how did you know?”
Man: “Well, before we started you washed your hands.”
Woman: “That’s correct, can I guess now?”
Man: “Sure.”
Woman: “I think you are an anaesthetist.”
Man: “That’s right, how did you know?”
Woman: “I felt nothing.”
John goes to the drugstore to buy some condoms.
Pharmacist: “How can I help you?”
John: “I want some condoms. I am gone fuck tonight.”
Pharmacist: “Watch your language. There are children here. Suppose you want to spent an evening with two, ask for a “twingo.” And I you are with more then one, ask for an “espace”. Understood?”
Twingo and espace are car models from Renault.
John: “For me a jeep “Grand Cherokee”, I am going to ride in the mud tonight.”
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