Happy day to you, Daddy! Hey, did you see the chicken crossing the road, Dad – I didn’t either, it must have been an invisible chicken. You know, Dad, you’re a really different kind of a dude, Dad, and I hope that if we run over an invisible chicken today, that you stop this time, Daddy, so that we can have a chicken roast.

I love you Daddy, you’re the best Dad ever, and I’m really glad that you stopped by to make breakfast for us kids, and for Mommy. We love you, and we love Mommy, and we are so glad that you get along, really, we are, and we love you so much that we’ve decided to buy you a waffle maker for Father’s Day, so that you can make us waffles next year instead of pancakes or french toast.

Hey, Dad, when are we going to play paintball with us, we mean, in real life! We love you Daddy, however, you make us so mad when you don’t spend time with us. You’re always, rush, rush, rush, gotta go, go, go – and you’re always running on an empty tank of gasoline. You’re lucky you have us kids with you in the car to get gas for you when you run out of gas. What are you going to do, Dad, when you run out of gas yourself? I’m going to have to become an ambulance driver just to get you back home, Daddy. You’re pretty heavy, Dad.

Dad, thank you for taking us to see the world, or at least to Sea World, Dad. You know, Dad, I’m going to be president of the local Liar’s Club with you for a Dad. You’re taking us to see the world, ha, ha, that was funny.

Dad, I’m really glad that you don’t take us to McDonald’s or Burger King like all the other Daddies do when we misbehave, I’m glad you just tell us that when we grow up, we’ll end up at McDonalds if we’re not good. We’ve decided to turn the local McDonald’s into an old age home, so you can stay there when you get old. You’ll like it, you can pretend to be the manager, even, and we can go to visit you. Don’t worry, we like going to nice buffet restaurants with you, and getting so full on food that we are ready to roll out the door, and we like the free drink refills, too. We still love you Daddy, even if you try to do the best things for us, so that all the neighbor’s kids get jealous of us.

Hey, Daddy, when are you going to get me my very own bum for Christmas? You promised me my very own bum to keep on the lawn like a lawn ornament, and I’m still waiting for one. Don’t tell me that you’re having trouble finding me one, I’m not going to listen, and don’t try buying me off with a giant plastic inflatable doll, or a life-sized teddy bear, either. Maybe you should buy a Salvation Army, and then, we can move in there and hang out with you while you work. Everybody says that the Salvation Army is the military, so don’t worry.