And the long, tall stockbroker, after driving over Lake Invincible and getting on the fearsome 580-yard 18th with a wedge second shot, four-putted from three feet. In tears, the stockbroker wailed, “Ernie, you gotta do something. What’s the good of hitting all those great fairway shots if we can’t get the ball in the hole? What are we doing wrong?”

The Choke Artist label strikes again!

“Yeah,” said the formerly merry little undertaker. “You gotta teach us how to putt. Before you came along, at least we had the comfort of anonymity. Now we’re famous as the two biggest choke artists in town.”

Oh, that awful word! Ernie flinched and dropped on a bench. “Sorry, I can’t do that.”

“It’s money, huh?” said the undertaker. “Listen, you think I plant all those stiffs in the ground for nothing? I got money, lots of it. How much ya want? A hundred? Five hundred?”

“No,” Ernie replied, grim-faced and trembling. “I do not teach the mystical art.”

Over the next months, the putt-challenged instructor taught dozens how to hit the long ball. They paid him in coarse Eastern long green.

Now the news hit the sports pages:

CADDIE DISCOVERS SECRET OF LONG BALL — CLUELESS HACKERS MOB WIZARD — SUPER BOMBER REFUSES TO TEACH PUTTING

And of course the tabloids got hold of the story and exaggerated it. They claimed the famous instructor’s students had to tee off in Texas to hit Oklahoma.

But what good was the long ball when the longknockers were all shooting back at the greens and could not score?

The Black Oak refugee’s plan was working, He was almost ready finally to begin phase two of his climb from the pit of horror named Choker!

The bearded wizard from Auburn stuck around just long enough to create 16 long-ball champions and, incidentally, earn the price of a silver Corvette with a golf bag hood ornament. He had to leave town at midnight to evade hundreds of rich gaffers flying in from New York to learn the secret of the long ball.

Meanwhile, the former choke artist’s international acclaim had reached as far as his home golf course at Auburn’s Black Oak.

His loyal subjects were waiting

Two days after leaving Oklahoma he cruised up to Black Oak and parked his Corvette in front of the huge crowd which had been alerted to his arrival and now awaited him in front of the clubhouse. He waved In ducal disdain.