A funny story about a straight A student who gets in trouble.

“Where is all the alcohol?” She questioned. “I don’t drink…” I started, but Billy nudged me. “There’s a bottle in the freezer. My brother is picking us up some booze.” “Cool.” Addie smiled and made way to my freezer. I nearly shit myself. “Billy! We can’t have any alcohol!” “Calm your jets, dude.” Billy scoffed, jumping into the pool.

By ten, there were at least 50 people and many many boxes of Coors Light and a few bottls of Dubra, Smirnoffo vodka and Grey Goose. Billy had shoved drink after drink down my throat and I was feeling pretty buzzed. Being the scaredy cat that I am, I went into the kitchen and began cleaning up, filling up the bottle of vodka with water in my cleaning frenzy. “Hey, hot stuff.” Addie entered the kitchen. “Me!?” I threw the bottle in the freezer. “Yeah, you.” She smiled. Before I knew it, she was in my arms and we were making out. When I say making out, I mean full on touchy feely, tongues and spit all over the place.

Next thing I know, I’m up in my parents bedroom, fumbling through my dads nightstand. I found a box of unopened condoms, tore it open and grabbed one. Addie was giggling as she watched me have trouble slipping it on. After about 3 tries with 3 different condoms, I finally did it. I got on top of her not really knowing what to do and all I could think to do was say “OH MY GOD! IT’S IN!” Like Fogel from Superbad. She laughed hysterically and moaned the entire time we made love. Well, to me, we made love because I thought I was in love. When we finished, she said “you’re an okay fuck, Alex.” got dressed and left the room.

I went downstairs feeling like a champ. I told Billy, but he didn’t believe me. Addie walked by with her friends, telling them what we had just done. The look on Billy’s face when he overheard. His jaw dropped open and his eyes widened. “You screwed before I did, Al!”

The rest of the night was a blur. I can’t really remember much more except passing out on the couch. I woke up with the worst headache the next morning and a message on the answering machine. I played it; “Hey, Alex. It’s mom. Dad and I are finished up in New York today. We met with the client and we’re having lunch. We’ll be home by 4. I love you. Bye.” My heart started racing when I looked at the time. It was now 1pm.

I was running around the house like a Tazmanian devil, trying to put everything back in its place. I was outside, cleaning up the pool and picking up the empty bottles. If I put the recycling out now, my parents would see the liquor bottles and beer cans. What the hell do I do!

I called Billy and he raced over. His brother was loading all the bottles and cans into his car when apparently, my parents pulled up. Billy’s brother didn’t let them see the bottles or cans, he just told my parents he was picking up Billy. What 22 year old would want to be in trouble for supplying minors? Not Billy’s brother.

Billy was still in shock that I had sex with Addie. When my parents walked in, Billy was saying “I can’t believe you and Addie had sex last night. What was it like! DETAILS!” When he saw my parents, he flew out of the house.

My parents screamed at me for hours, I forgot to clean their bedroom and make their bed. They found the used condom and two other ones that I failed at using. My father screamed at me and screamed at me and went for the bottle of vodka. I’m obviously not that smart, since I filled the bottle with water. It was frozen solid.

I’m grounded the entire summer…and then until I’m 40.

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