Duff’s writing challenge, round 18. The words are: Holy Temptation and ignorance…I used them few times. I hope that’s alright.

When Jay was just a little boy just barely starting school, his mother would take him out into the forest to pick berries.  Always in the same spots, never anywhere new but one particular day he slipped right out of view.  For a little while she didn’t notice, not until she found a precious and rare berry that she wanted to share with him.  Frantically she ran about calling his name in vain.  She wept a little as she called but she kept up just the same.  She thought about going for his father but that could take too long and the thought of what could happen was just too damn strong.

Finally she told herself that there was only one place he could be and she ran as fast as she could and found him sitting under a rather large tree.  Too happy to yell in anger, she thought that she would weep, but then she saw the women lying at his feet.  She was very lovely and from where she was standing there wasn’t one ounce of imperfection.  As she sat there staring she noticed a slight change, the woman seemed to be growing younger, right before her eyes.  Frozen, she stood there watching and hoping nothing would go wrong.  When she noticed the cottage in the distance was only a mirage.

What could this mean?  She thought but she didn’t really care.  Freeing her self from becoming stone she ran as close to them as she dared.  “Jay, honey, please come here to mommy.” she called ever so meek.  The woman laughed a little and she knew she sounded weak, but she called again and again until he finally looked.  The woman’s smile faltered and her eyes turned a dark green.

She sat up and leaned forward, whispering something in his ear.  “Mommy, she isn’t mean.” he said in an ecstatic voice.

“That doesn’t matter.  You come here right now, we have to go home.” she said.  Instead of just obeying he looked to the woman instead.  For one split second she was going to walk over and grab him by the hand but there was something in the air that she had never felt.  Again the woman leaned forward and kissed him on the head.  He smiled and laughed and finally ran over to his mother.

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Comments (15)
  • Vaibhav Diwaker on Feb 10, 2010

    Wow……..speechless……….Thanks for sharing……..

  • S A JOHNSON on Feb 10, 2010

    lol, thanks.

  • fragile18 on Feb 10, 2010

    nice story! Thanks for sharing!

  • sambhafusia on Feb 10, 2010

    excellent share..well written..thnx for sharing this friend..

  • qasimdharamsy on Feb 10, 2010

    Nice share…well written….

  • maranatha on Feb 10, 2010

    ooooh! Well done!

  • 8Shei8 on Feb 10, 2010

    Did not see that coming…good write!

  • Valerie Keller on Feb 11, 2010

    That was great! I am not able to write short stories, I get too carried away with the wording and discriptions. But never the less, I did enjoy your entry very much…nice ending too.

  • Rod Ferrandino on Feb 11, 2010

    Still waters running deep.

  • steve Johnson on Feb 11, 2010

    Very creepy and well told. Kinda reminds me of my love live lol !

  • David Crerand on Feb 14, 2010

    The challenge has been well met in your piece.

  • Darla Cooke on Feb 15, 2010

    Wow! This is a great story for the challenge! Very good job!

  • oldster on Feb 16, 2010

    Well done very good story.

  • spiritwalker on Feb 17, 2010

    That was the creepiest little story…i loved it…hehe

  • Duff D Moss on Feb 18, 2010

    I was going to say spirit would love this – but she said it herself :-)

    Great answer to the challenge. Very engaging. Thanks for playing dude.

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