A man must face his destiny and learn to forgive someone he’s never met.
Rory was a thoughtful man, kind hearted, sensitive and caring. He also carried around a lot of baggage. His parents had divorced when he was a little more than a handful and it had always hurt him. He didn’t usually talk about it. Men weren’t to show insecurities or weakness and to admit such a thing would be admitting a type of weakness. It was what women would refer to as being “a man thing”… but one day Rory decided to write about his “Trojan horse” to see if it might help at all.
Growing up without a father really didn’t bother me. Oh sure, I watched my friends interact with their dad’s and it left me feeling cheated but I was always able to shake it off…or at least I thought I had.
I think I kind of saw having a father around as someone else who could punish me at will and my mom didn’t need any help in that department! Oh no, she had a pretty good handle on that one, alright!
But since I’ve grown into adulthood I’ve begun to see what all I’ve missed out on.
I look around and see kids, as well as adults, with their fathers, and the love that they share and express through facial expressions, words, touch and deeds. I’ve never had that. I’ve only known the pain of abandonment and the constantly burning question…why?
I know where my father is, have met his mother, and learned that I have a brother and two sisters. I’ve seen their pictures and marveled at how similar we resemble one another and then proudly announced “I have a younger brother and two sisters!” …That’s something I’ve always wanted! …But I’ve also always wanted a dad…and that’s something that my father has never wanted to be to me. I am his oldest child, his first-born and I mean nothing to him. What kind of man can feel nothing but indifference toward his own creation? …His own flesh and blood…
My siblings don’t know of my existence, my father never told them about me. I often wonder what it would mean to them if they were told. They’ll not ever hear it from me because I was raised better than to destroy a family’s love to serve my own purpose.
Besides, it would probably blow up in my face, anyway…they resenting me for tearing apart their world with the shattering, damning news that our father is not the perfect man they’ve always loved, admired and respected.
And himself…does he think about me on my birthdays? …Does he wonder about the man that I’ve become? No, probably not.
I thank God that I’m not like him. I do care about others.
And I believe in those simple and old words; “what goes around comes around.” His day of reckoning will come. He will answer for the unbearable pain and suffering he has caused me…if he hasn’t already.
Okay, so do I feel any better now that I’ve put it down in writing? No, not really…but if by doing so it’s helped anyone else who’s going through the same thing…then it’s indeed been worth the time and effort.
Rory was half way home with his attitude. Now he just needed to work on the forgiving part…the “letting go and letting God” part of it. With the help of his loving family he would get there…and this author hopes that you will as well.
great story 
Thanks little sis “o” mine! And how is school coming along? I want grades and all the news!!
Thank you Johnnie!! Love you!
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