I am Great

Hi, my name is Archibald, I am a roll of soft fabric, my brothers and I grew up in a plastic bag all packed into rows and columns, we were always curious as to what purpose we served, we wanted to know if there was a meaning to our existence, that maybe there was something beyond the confines of the home we know. We were very optimistic, we thought we could be turned into fine clothing for royalty or fashioned into magnificent wedding dresses. We believed in ourselves, we believed that we could make a lasting impact on this world, we were the best, we were 2 ply, soft, silky and thick. We thought we had it all. I was so excited when I finally left home a week ago, I was ready to feel the bosom of a beautiful bride or drape across the walls of a castle but instead I was left to hang on a stake on the wall, maybe this was purgatory, so I waited and waited, prayed and prayed and not too long after, a Mighty Being sat next to me. He was incredibly large, bigger than my home and all my relatives combined, and I smelled his great essence. I was shivering with excitement as he reached over for me, how wonderful, may I be used to decorate and dress greatness. He then ripped off the portion that stopped me from unraveling myself, oh the delight, my circumcision, and my initiation into this world of wonders. He then selected 4 sheets and placed it on his throne rim, I was confused. Why wasn’t I being tailored onto a beautiful princess? Maybe those first sheets were just a test sample of my quality. Yeah, that’s what they were, quality control. He then picked another sample of me and folded it =D. Was he going to fashion me into a beautiful handkerchief? He then proceeded to take that handkerchief and started to wipe his nether areas. Oh the horror, here I sit here every day, getting weaker and weaker, smaller and smaller, until nothing but my hollow frame will stand.

What is the meaning and purpose of Life? Well, I don’t know, but one thing for sure, Life just throws shit at you but it rolls on and on. And you can’t do shit about it… SHIT