The junction was bursting with traffic. Everyone was in a hurry to go somewhere and do something. I sat in my car, my hand on the horn, my mind on my life. We should all thank God once in a while for the fact that even when the mind is going through a tsunami, it still manages to carry out the most necessary functions automatically- like driving. Else we would never get anywhere.

I couldn’t pinpoint my own emotions. Was I angry, upset, disappointed or plain panicked? I didn’t know!

I had an ideal life, or so it seemed to anyone who peeked in from outside. I was hardly 29, married to the girl I loved and who loved me more, and the loveliest daughter God could wish upon anyone. My angel was hardly 3, yet had me wrapped around her little finger. Difficult to even remember the time I had got panicked when my wife, Esha told me we were going to be a real family. Now I couldn’t imagine a life without my rhea. I had the dream job- I worked for the radio and my work was very satisfying and creative. Whereas people would complain to me about job monotony, I was one of the pitiful few who actually loved their jobs!

So where does my story start? It starts this morning when Esha told me that yet again we are expecting an addition to the family. Another baby! Another bundle of joy! I rushed out of the house without a word with the emotions swirling – anger, sorrow and disappointment.

Yes! Happiness is not a big part of my feelings right now. Why? Well. It’s like, you are in a buffet, with all your favorite things piled high on your plate, and someone, namely God, adds one more. But you cannot eat anything because you have the plate in both hands and you cannot free one to actually eat the food.  Hands full! That’s my situation. I have every happiness in my grasp, but I cannot reach out and savor it, live in it.

The root of the problem in one line- I got everything too early. Imagine how it is, if you buy a toddler a video game. He won’t know the purpose behind it for years to come. And when he finally does appreciate it, he would probably have already broken it.