My friend died Oct. 23, 2009. He was 20 years old. A couple of months, I phoned his mother and asked me to rewrite the disk all the photos for subsequent printouts. Photos stored on your computer from another. Raking tens of gigabytes of music, tons of movies and photos, I came across a folder with his works. Among other things he had read were those which I have not read. He loved to write and I always found among those who read his works. Suppose they were not brilliant and with errors, but they always had something of what could be thought. The last date the file was Moi.rtf.

This story proved to me that the world is not so simple.

I was 20 …

Have you ever been at my funeral? They walked behind his coffin? And I was, I saw his body, followed him in a crowd of relatives, friends and acquaintances. I was 20 …



I was already on the street when I was handed down. Luckily the first floor and the peasants were not so hard. Although I am in life weighed a bit now, probably even less. Of those who bore me, I knew only one thing – my old friend. Always meet with him and thundering after each session, noted. He probably did not feel like to carry this box, and yes even in this weather. The rain was falling, but I did not feel like felt, and wind, which was so fond of. Beside me sat a homeless dog and watched the same way as I do on everything. It was wet, and could be seen shaking from the cold. Out of his mouth was barely noticeable pairs. The dog occasionally glancing at me, and when I answered attention to him, he cheerfully began to wag his tail. Well, that guy, frozen? XAX, rejoice, you’re still alive. The dog looked at me with uncomprehending eyes full of sadness and went, probably, somewhere to hide, lost interest in me and everything that happens. I looked around. In the courtyard stood machines, which never not there, some people … I do not know half of them. Friends of my mother …

The musicians were ready, and started playing that awful music, which always uncomfortable, but I have also not heard. The whole procession of dark mass moved slowly forward. I slowly walked with her, holding a little aloof. Another habit jumped puddles and avoided the mud. Music has done its work – some began to cry. Black mourning ribbon with gilt inscriptions on wreaths playfully waving in the wind, making it difficult to go to those who carried them. One of the most unpleasant roles at the funeral – it is to go first in the procession. A black column is not the most joyful thing in life. You feel like a modern Charon or Anubis, guide, showing the way the deceased to his new home. It seems that the soul of the deceased is behind you, walking in your footsteps, and staring you in the back, doubting the correctness of the path. So I thought, when he went to the last funeral for himself.

While walking, the head climbed all sorts of thoughts were mostly memories, and then I realized that I do not know how and what died. Hmm, strange. I remember … I remember my body on the resuscitation table and the doctor who had found death. He said the date, time, covered the body, took off his bloody gloves and left. Then I was being guarded, and all fail, nothing more I can not remember. Strange. After a mental pause my attention again shifted to this sad procession. A bit ahead of me and slightly to the right was my best friend and his girlfriend. I knew him from childhood, we lived in one house, we can say grew up together. Always and in all help each other, never denied assistance. Once he had got the girl, and relations have port … I do not know why it happened, but last month we had almost no contact. Now he went and smoked his favorite bond, paying no attention to the rain. It is a pity that it happened. Behind them was a woman and all the time crying. Along came my godfather, and soothed her in vain. Why do you grieve? Well, not the end of the world the same. I added a step to look at her face. The next moment I felt a shock. God … It was my mother. She had aged and lost weight … I do not know her, did not notice when standing and watching me endure, did not notice all this time while walking. How could I?! I rushed into the crowd to his mother, to hug, to say that I’m alive! Here’s your son! Mama, do not cry! But I just flew through, no feeling … All in vain. I felt a strong sense of guilt, that this is not spared her life, which is now made to suffer. I took it all. Now she was alone in this God-forsaken town. His father died in the 2005th.

I raised my head and looked at it, dirty-gray silent sky, as if trying there, in the midst of the clouds, to read the answers to all your questions. But there is just rain, cold October rain, which incessantly drummed on my lid, as if to say: “Hey you, what’s lying here?” Let’s run along in these puddles, as the good old days “. On this day, like to think that today the nature of the special for me to write this requiem.

My coffin was loaded into a Gazelle. A few minutes later, she moved slowly and took me to my new home, and I stood and watched as usual. I still could not believe that this is happening to me. They were going not me, but some other person, perhaps my distant relative or acquaintance. Now I go home, pour yourself some hot tea to keep warm after the rain, then I will calmly listen to your favorite music, thinking about what happened. Perhaps such thoughts pursue each of the deceased, and then it all goes, but the feeling of boundless loneliness and desolation remains deeply seated in me. It seemed that all these people get rid of me as of old rubbish or unwanted things, trying hard to forget, to erase from his memory all that contact me. The car disappeared around the bend, and after a couple minutes, followed by failure.

I was born at the right time in the right place – at the cemetery in his freshly dug graves, my coffin is lowered into a rectangular hole in the ground. Two quarryman managed not very cleverly, and, therefore, a box fell unevenly. At the bottom formed a decent pool and, most likely, when I deleted, I gradually flood water, mixed with clay. Sorry, but I’m there all this in a jacket and trousers, as if he did not die … He had always been against such a burial. Better cremation. Burned and business-something, but now I was pofig. I stood and watched me down, for some reason afraid of falling in his own grave. Gathered around all those who followed me earlier. During the life of thought that everything would be much more modest, only a few relatives and friends. Always considered himself a lonely man and never thought that will make a “furor”. From this was somehow not on itself.

Suddenly, the coffin was stuck half way, this gamy wooden cake did not want to fall further. Standing in front of me grandmother immediately started to whisper and be baptized. Stuck his left side. Wood coffin has managed to wipe away the bad, and under the weight of wet earth could not stand it, and clumps of crumbling on the bottom of the pit. The men quickly realized what was happening and within seconds, I confidently glided back, bringing the protracted ritual to a close.

Finally, the goal was achieved, and it seemed to me, all breathed a sigh of relief. Now it was hoped that with the first empty land, I ascended to heaven and then blah-blah-blah on the Bible. I would fly with the angels, or broil in hell – it’s no longer me, if at all there all the way they write. Maybe I kana into oblivion, or … I have noticed that the first handful of earth has been long abandoned and the coffin, covered with red cloth, was virtually invisible. So, all is not true that they write. The crowd slowly transformed into a thin chain that stretched from the grave to leave the cemetery. People around me became less and less, some a little delayed, and muttered something under his breath, probably, goodbye. Two sturdy and stained diggers full readiness, already picked up shovels and went to the pile of wet earth, appreciating the complexity and duration of this dirty job for. The other two stood silently, looking at the grave. And now, when all sympathizers already gone, at this hole stayed unknown to me girl about my age. I wonder why I have not seen it before …

Slender, with regular features, a little snub nose and expressive eyes produced an indelible impression. I would be alive, he would definitely love. The girl stifled until this moment, burst into tears. She took out a small bag photos and lowered into the grave, something to himself saying. One of the two standing diggers, the one that was older, about thirty-three in the old denim suit, approached the stranger, gently put his arm around her shoulder and began to whisper something in her ear. She did not pay any attention to him, and seemed to her that men do not exist. They stood together for another couple of seconds, turned around and went for the others. Tired of waiting for the diggers immediately set to work, nobody wanted to hang around at the cemetery in such weather. I am well aware of the man who led the girl. One could easily catch colds and laid up for a week with high fever. The grave slowly began to fill the earth. Now what? Buried, and go wherever you want? Are all … The brain (or what I’m there now I think?) Refused to accept this turn of events. If this is the end, then why can not I see other souls? After the graveyard, there should be full enough. Oddities …

After some time went digger, who led the weeping girl. ” He stood next to another, yet nothing is done a colleague took a pack of cigarettes, drew one and lit up with pleasure, and occasionally blowing perfect smoke rings. Own, fill the grave which had a hypnotic property, like a pendulum or black and white spinning spiral … My mind was plunged into philosophical reflections on being and that I would be.

- Well, Buddy, as a sensation? - The voice instantly knocked me out of trance. Caught unawares, I almost fell into his pit. I was watching one of those standing diggers. He looked on the force 25 years. – Are you young, some are beginning to panic, to rush through the cemetery, Che is the yell … – In the voice of the guy felt a note of respect. He put his hands in his pockets incomprehensible pants and walked closer.

- Who are you? – I still do not understand what was happening and whether this occurs in general.

- Well, I … – Strange digger frowned, took an apple from his pocket a dark blue jacket and held out his hand. – Want?

- No, thanks. You …

- Well, nothing. Delicious apple, among other things – did not give a guy to finish. He bit off a large piece and continued with his mouth full. – We will not walk around, but some. I have for you a specific proposal. – Digger abruptly stopped chewing and now watching my reaction. His blue eyes bored into me mercilessly uncomprehending souls.

- And what? – The share of mistrust I asked. Always knew that my curiosity I ever ruin.

- Do you also feel sorry for his family and friends? Oh, how your mother crying … – This fan apples swallowed a piece of chewed, and the sound of a happy chomping up again. – And your girl is now being taken to the hospital, young heart … Pity.

- What? My girl? – His words plunged me into shock. This beautiful stranger was my girlfriend. As with memory … Now it was clear who stands in front of me. Anger slowly began to gain strength. I was angry at myself and this fucking world that is so constructed. We all send a dick and die again.

- In thy power to change everything, brother. – Busily found a demon. – I can do so tomorrow you woke up in his cozy bed. If you want, you’ll rock star or famous entertainer. Che there is usually asked to … – Thinking unclean. – Money, women, recognition, power! – The last word he uttered with peculiar pleasure. – All this can be yours. Look at these people – the devil said to me fills men. – You will not be all his life bent, as they are, on a piece of bread. You’ll enjoy life and not think about tomorrow.

- And would you not go to the dick ” – I said calmly. Demon choked and through oppressive cough began to laugh. After some time, with a new piece in his mouth, he continued:

- You’ve always been arrogant idiot. You think you get into heaven? My boy, you died an atheist, but there is no love – Tempter stuffed the mark. – You still do not know how long staring at your body rots. The picture is not pleasant, I want to assure you. Well, so what? – Stare at himself did not want, and righteous, I am not dead, but the proposal be a president or an oligarch was much more tempting.

- No.

- How does it not? – Demon opened his eyes wide and staring at me, not believing what was happening, forgetting about his apple – Just imagine, you moron! What are the prospects? All your dreams will come true. Just say “I wish you and all the more from you Nitsche is not required. Do not be silly, boy.

- No. This is my choice. Whether that will be. – I took a step back from the advancing angel who still did not want to admit defeat.

- But how is … Listen here, man ref …

- Enough! – Suddenly said second groundsman.

- You CHE here, all agreed that it? Surprise of surprises! – Angrily barked and I shrugged. – God, where I got … – It seemed that now all dead come out of their graves and the choir say “joke!”

- Your time is up. – Let us now nobody knows who the demon.

- Okay, okay. – Tempter smiled and slowly walked over to the man and put him in the arm stump. – Three one! You still lose, an angel. – Demon in a friendly pat on the shoulder and went into the cemetery, walking up to my grave.

- And now you’re going to tell me about all the delights of paradise?

- No, I’m going to take you there. – The angel came to me, took my hand and hit in the eye blinding bright light, from which came a stream of warmth and kindness. I always stay in this divine radiance, which filled all around. Light poured from the golden to white and back again, oddly created a very subtle image of a man with wings. The earth began to be rapidly removed from under his feet. Angel put me in the sky, his face was fixed in the blue skies of the heights. – Do not worry, man, now you’re free!

Darkness and a strong heartbeat, yielding in the ears, muffled ticking of a clock, which gave me at my 20th birthday. He felt the button with a lamp. 4:05. Damn, it was just a dream. Idiotic, his mother, a dream! We had to drink less today … Drink. I am thirsty. Painfully got out of bed and went into the kitchen for life-giving water. In the hall someone was sleeping on the couch and barely audible swearing in his sleep. Stumbled on someone’s body lying on the floor. In response, again heard a drunken mate. In the kitchen, drank two cups and contented in his underpants shuffled back to sleep.

Morning, the day turned out to be cruel. Thirty minutes lying in bed, before forced himself to rise. Even as much time mindlessly dangling in the apartment, remembering yesterday. It seems that in mind settled the blacksmith or a miner. Must be a Chinese, always a workaholic. Salvation was a cup of good strong coffee with sugar. Two spoonfuls, as much. It remains to sit and relax, maybe even back to sleep. At home no one was, the guests departed early in the morning. Oh, what a pleasure to drink coffee with Badun … With each sip of flavored beverage wanted to live more and more, but, as usual, there is always something that broken off – cell phone rang. This was a classmate – dunce, which we’re about to be thrown out of university.

- Yes.

- Hey, Che dryhnesh yet or what? – The voice of the tube irritated her “fun”

- No, I have already done charging and took a cold shower.

- Okay, do not be nervous. Che, I called it … Our shares on the Stock Exchange flew. – Morning coffee fell to the floor.

P.S. My friend died in an accident. He knocked down a brand new Cayenne.