one time i was fixing MY roof for my buddy Pedro. He asked me to staple the tiles back on. but when i tried to, the staple bounced off the tile and hit my face. i realized that i needed to hold the staple gun against the tile, not actually aim it at the tiles like a real gun. so, when i held the staple against the roof… something WORSE happened.

…NOTHING.
i got a hot glue gun and squirted some on the tile. nothing happened. i tried the staple gun again but it just got stuck to the glue.
“OOPS” i whispered to myself. i never turned the tile over after putting on the glue.
“well that was a silly mistake” said Pedro, who was standing 42.7cm behind me.
i got out a hammer and some nails and hammered in a nail. but i missed the tile completely!

when i tried to lift my hand back up, i failed because the hot glue had set on my hand!!!
“WAUGH!!!!” i cried… Pedro bravely said “SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!”
that made me sad. he grabbed my hand and pulled and pulled. but the only thing that happened was that my wrist hurt. i turned to realize the nails were about to roll off the roof.
“Pedro! get the nails!” i said. he heroically pounced towards the nails, one stabbed through his hand and he slid over to hang off the side of the roof.
“I’ll save you buddy!” i said as i lunged towards him.
“your hand!” he said.
i looked over and there, on my palm was pieces of tile, stuck to my hand. along with masses of missing skin. “AAAH!!” i yelled.
i tripped and rolled over, with 1 foot holding onto the roof, i hung upside down with blood pouring from my hand.

“what the f**k?!?!” said a thief down below. he was about to sneak into my house! he yelped and ran inside and locked the doors.

10 minutes later, i had managed to call the police.
they arrived in a flash and took care of the robber. then on their way out they only just saw us hanging around. after getting us down, they simply said…

“we’ll give you $2000 to replace that $800 TV the burglar broke… …because you’re Tom Cruise”

THE END