Hey Beautiful,

    Often I get requests for advice. I can’t
answer all of them, but once in a while, I will
answer them here. Here is one that I received
today:

    Hello Ms. Tanner,

        I need some advice.  A new interest has
    evolved into my life. This person and I talked on
    this past Monday and I enjoyed our conversation.
    We texted after our conversation. I ended the
    conversation with a text to him “Maybe we can
    hang out sometimes.” He responded “No Problem
    and Sure!”

        I was wondering if it would be okay to
    send him a text to say Hi.  He has not called
    or we haven’t talked since Monday. Would that
    appear to be ‘desperate’?

       I want him to be involved in the pursuit
    of me and do not want to pursue him. Would it
    be pursuing him to send him a text to say hi?

    — “Nora” (not her real name)

    To “Nora” from Mimi:

    Thanks for your questions. In your
email to me, you stated clearly how you
feel: you want him to pursue you; you don’t
want to pursue him.

    So hold on to that thought. Most
importantly, look at your feelings. You
have the urge to contact him. Yet that
goes against your other desire that he
be the main pursuer here.

    Why do you want him to pursue you?
One reason is probably so that you will
know for sure that he is interested in
you, especially since you two just met.

    (There are lots of other reasons,
but let’s focus on that one for now!)

    It has only been two days since you
spoke to him, of course. That is one
reason to wait and let him get in touch
with you.

    The second reason is that, when you
talked to him, you felt the need to tell
him that maybe you and he can hang out
sometime.

    However – if he had suggested that
first, you probably would not have said
that.

    Since you did, you have made it
clear that you want to see him, and
that his pursuit is welcome.

    Since you have said that, then simply
trust that he is well aware that you like
him (so far) – and so now the ball is in
his court.

    If he is interested, you WILL
hear from him. But if you contact
him first only two days later, then
chances are, he will pull back at least
some on any interest that may have been
sparked earlier.

    He will start thinking that you are
more interested than he is – and that can
put things out of balance before they
have even begun!

    In answer to your question, YES, it
could definitely come across as
desperate, even if it isn’t.

    Perception is everything in the
delicate early stages of a romantic
relationship!

    The balance of who likes whom and how
much is everything – at this stage!

    It’s a delicate dance for a while,
until you get on some solid footing.

    Keep your dance card full, Nora,
and do your best to enjoy your week and
get your mind off this man.

    If he gets in touch, fine. If not -
that’s fine, too.

    If he doesn’t get in touch, then
maybe in a month, you could say a
breezy hello via text to him… but
I wouldn’t give that too much
thought! By then you would be wise
to move on to other things and
assume that he was not interested
in pursuing things further.

    The momentum is high right now,
when you and he are getting to know each
other.

    If the chemistry and the positive
signs are there – which, keep in mind,
is a rare thing to happen in the first
place – then both of you will WANT
to keep the momentum going.

    When one of you loses the desire
to stay in touch – it’s for a reason.

    You can both be great people, but
if that desire to talk is not there -
it’s for a good reason: it’s just
not the right match between two people.
It’s no one’s fault.

    I wish you well with this situation,
Nora. Sit back and let him come to you!

Have a great day, and keep your Flirt on!

Emails from readers:

“Dear Mimi,

“I would like to thank you for your wonderful
advice I have received over the months. I took
it to heart and was simply amazed at the results.

“When my boyfriend of one month backed off suddenly,
saying he wasn’t ready for a relationship, I was
heartbroken. I felt I had to talk to him, but I kept
reading your emails and knew the best thing was to
let it alone.

“After three months, he came around… and now
we are closer than ever. He calls me and texts
me multiple times a day, brings me gifts, and
the list goes on. He treats me like a queen, and
makes me feel beautiful… and he’s talking
about marriage.  He’s truly an incredible man,
and I’d be willing to say it’s because of your
advice that I have him in my life. Thank you.”

— M.

Greetings Mimi,

You are so “amazing.”  I enjoy reading your
“true to life” stories.

— J.

Hi Mimi,

I read your emails every day and it keeps me
very realistic about things.

— M.

Hi Mimi,

I love your advice.  You always have the right
answers.

M.

Mimi, I just wanted to say Thank you.

I love reading your daily e-mails!!! I read them
during my lunch break and they are honestly so
GOOD!!!

need more?