My first cigarette was, to me, the greatest possible thing ever. It was like being reborn for me. I started to do it more frequently, especially when my cousin came in. We’ve known each other since we were three, and she was a frequent smoker. She got me into stealing, lying, smoking, and by the end of her visit, drinking. I remember we would go out at eight at night, to meet with her friends to smoke and drink, and we wouldn’t come back until eleven.

Days later she left, but the habits she gave me stayed. I started talking back at my mom, and disobeying her. I did more stealing and shoplifting, more drinking, and definitely more smoking. It wasn’t even about the guy anymore, it was about me. I wanted to party and have fun. Two months later, I was still partying, but this time I wanted to get high. I didn’t want to before, I was happy with just smoking, but now I wanted to know what it was like firsthand to be high. My friend introduced me to it, and I loved it.

I loved it more than life and everything. I was in love. So in love that I didn’t realize what was happening. I went from trying in school, to quitting altogether. My teachers gave me crap about what was happening to me, but I didn’t care. For a whole two and a half months after, I didn’t do one page of homework. I started failing half my classes. I lied to my mom constantly about school, where I was going at eight at night, and who I was with. I was so addicted to pot, that I started thinking about meth, and shooting up.

I wanted to be insanely high. I started asking my guy friend if he could hook me up with meth. I didn’t realize who I was anymore. My mom always complained about the way I started to dress since my cousin left too. I started wearing skin tight jeans, low neckline shirts, and overdoing the makeup. And the whole time I felt like I had the entire world wrapped around my finger. I did, at least, until it all crashed down. About four and a half months ago, one morning getting ready for school after finishing my (overdone) makeup, I decided to grab a cigarette from my mom’s pack out on the porch, so I could smoke it afterschool with my friends. Big mistake. Right after I grab the cigarette, I turn around, to face my mom. I was effing speechless.